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Friday, August 14, 2009

How many calories

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent..... ......... ......... 12 Calories
Without her consent..... ......... ...... 387 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands....... ......... ........ 8 Calories
With one hand........ ......... ......... 22 Calories
With your teeth....... ......... ........ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.... ......... ......... ... 6 Calories
Without an erection.... ......... ....... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.... ......... .. 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...... ........ 192 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.. ......... ......... ......... .. 112 Calories
69 lying down........ ......... ......... . 178 Calories
69 standing up.......... ......... ...... 312 Calories
Wheelbarrow. ......... ......... ......... 386 Calories
Doggy Style....... ......... ......... .... 400 Calories
Italian chandelier.. ......... ......... . 972 Calories

ORGASM
Real........ ......... ......... ......... 112 Calories
Fake........ ......... ......... ......... 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..... ......... ....... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately. ......... ....... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately. .....816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old......... ......... ...... 36 Calories
30-39 years....... ......... ......... .... 80 Calories
40-49 years....... ......... ......... .... 124 Calories
50-59 years....... ......... ......... .... 972 Calories
60-69 years....... ......... ......... .... 2916 Calories
70 and over........ ......... ......... .. Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly...... ......... ......... ......... 32 Calories
In a hurry....... ......... ......... .... 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories

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