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Sunday, December 5, 2010

Koleksi Lawak Pendek Ajoi

1. Tercucuk Mata
Ajoi : “Doktor… bila saya buat air kopi, kemudian saya minum, rasanya mata kanan saya seperti ada yang mencucuk-cucuk doktor.”
Doktor : “OOO.. itu masalahnya. Kalau begitu, setiap kali mahu minum, keluarkan sudunya dari cawan!”
Ajoi : “Ya tak ya juga… Terima kasih, Doktor..”


2. Mee segera

Satu hari Wak Sumardi ke kedai Ajoi nak beli mee segera yang berjenama toot. Sebagai pengguna yang prihatin dia mesti tengok dulu tarikh expired nya.

Wak Sumardi : “Joi , mee segera ni best beforenya dah lebih 1 bulan naper ko jual lagi?”

Ajoi : “oohh… tu kan best before, bulan ini baru better, bulan depan masih good. Jadi tidak masalah untuk dijual…”

3. Adik beradik ipar

Ajoi dan isterinya sedang bergaduh dalam kereta semasa perjalanan dari Seremban ke Rembau. Biasalah semasa bergaduh, masing-masing berdiam diri. Biasalah sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit..

Tak lama kemudian, mereka melalui sebuah kampung dan ada sekumpulan kambing dan lembu sedang meragut rumput di tepi padang.

Isteri Ajoi menunjuk ke sekawan kambing dan lembu tu dan menyindir kepada Ajoi “adik-beradik awak tu kan?”

“Yups” jawab Ajoi…… “Adik beradik ipar.”

4. Berjalan masa tido

Ajoi: Doktor, tolong sembuhkan penyakit saya. Saya selalu berjalan di waktu tidur.

Doktor : Ini kotak yang boleh menyelesaikan persoalanmu. Setiap malam, ketika wak sudah bersiap untuk tidur keluarkan isi kotak itu dan taburkan di lantai sekeliling tempat tidurmu.

Ajoi : Kotak apa ini, Doktor? apakah sejenis serbuk penenang?

Doktor : Bukan. Ini kotak paku payung.


5. Lari masa gunting rambut

Ajoi kembali ke kedai mamak gunting rambut dulu, sekali lagi nak potong rambutnya nak buat skin head.

Ketika mamak baru potong pendek rambut Ajoi sebelah, tiba-tiba ada seorang pemuda masuk tergesa-gesa.

“Fendi! Rumah Kau Terbakar!!!!!”

Ajoi pun lari turun dari kerusi gunting rambut mamak dan lari keluar dari kedai gunting Mamak sambil rambutnya baru bercukur sebelah.

Bukan main laju Ajoi lari sehingga 1 KM , tiba-tiba dia terhenti.

“Eh buat aku lari? Nama aku bukan Fendi..!”


6. Dalam komuter

Ajoi dalam perjalanan dari KL ke Seremban menaiki komuter bersebelahan dengan seorang makcik yang agak berumur.

Dia tengok muka mak cik tu pucat semacam jer..

Ajoi: Kenapa mak cik, mabuk ker?

Mak Cik : Ya nak..

Ajoi biarkan jer , Mak cik tersebut menahan muntahnya….

Mak Cik : Nak boleh mak cik tengok muka anak tak..

Ajoi: Kenapa mak cik.

Mak cik: Supaya senang mak cik nak muntah….

Dan last sekali…

7. Borak-borak Cara Ajoi dan Sumardi

Ajoi dan Wak Sumardi sedang berborak.

Wak Sumardi: Joi lu beli seluar tu berapa?

Ajoi : Kat IOI Mall..

Wak Sumardi: Kat maner?

Ajoi: RM160

Wak Sumardi: Emm mahal jugak ya..

Perbezaan kambing hitam & putih

Temubual seorang pemuda dengan pakcik gembala biri-biri.

Pemuda : Baguslah ternakan biri-biri pakcik. Boleh saya tanya beberapa soalan tak?

Pakcik : Boleh aje...

Pemuda : Berapa jauh biri-biri ni berjalan setiap hari?

Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?

Pemuda : Yang putih.

Pakcik : Kalau yang putih berjalan lebih kurang enam kilometer setiap hari.

Pemuda : Yang hitam?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama...

Pemuda : Berapa banyak plak rumput biri-biri ni makan setiap hari?

Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?

Pemuda : Yang putih?

Pakcik : Ah, yang putih makan lebih kurang empat kilo rumput setiap hari.

Pemuda : Dan yang hitam?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama...

Pemuda : Berapa banyak bulu yang mereka hasilkan setiap tahun?

Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?

Pemuda : Yang putih?

Pakcik : Aaa... yang putih menghasilkan sekitar enam kilo bulu setiap tahun.

Pemuda : Dan yang hitam?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama...

Pemuda : Kenapa pakcik membezakan biri-biri pakcik yg putih dgn yg hitam, padahal jawapan semuanya sama aje?

Pakcik : Mestilah...sebab biri-biri yang putih itu pakcik yang punya.

Pemuda : Ooo, gitu ke...abis tu yang hitam tu sapa punya?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama....

Punctuation is powerful

An English professor wrote the words : "A woman without her man is nothing"


on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.






All of the males in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote : "A woman: without her, man is nothing."


So to conclude, punctuation is powerful ....


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Contradictory proverbs

Contradictory proverbs....Interesting !

Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction.

Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb! There always exists two sides of the same coin.

U be the judge..


All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

The best things in life are free things..
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Slow and steady wins the race.
BUT
Time waits for no man.

Look before you leap.
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot.

Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.

Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.

Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.

Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's food is another man's poison.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

MARI BELAJOR BASER TEGANUNG

Baddi (bertanding)
Bangak (bangat?) (cepat?)
Bedo’oh (@ do’oh) lalu
Bedrohong
Bekeng (bengkeng?) *
Berahi (suka) betak (betap?) = lembab
bing (**ekspresi)
Brayor (main-main, gurau, acah-acah)
Bo’jeng (berkenaan rambut)

Cacang (cancang?)
Cakna
Carik celober
Cedung (ceddung?)
Cekoh
Celerek (& celerek tek)
Cerlong
Cero (cair/tidak pekat, berkenaan air & berkenaan sakit perut)
Cok (= tanda?)
Comel lote
Cu (acu)

Dang (dan, Kedah) = sempat
De’eh (senak)
Deras bedrohong (kuat/laju/bising)
Dok rok (rok)
Do’oh (melampau)

Ge (ger?) = macam?
Geger (asal Jawa?)
Gelak (gelap) kat’tuk, gelmak
Gelepor (gelempar?)
Gelewak
Gelenya (gelenyai? Gelenyar?)
Geroh (gerah?)
Gocoh
Godok (menggodak?)
Gohek (go ahead?) berkaitan basikal
Golok bong
Gong (sombong, permatang)
Gok (Jw. got)
Guane (= bagaimana, macam mana)
Gumba (pump)

Hanya (bersepah-sepah)

Irek (irik, berkenaan padi)
Jalir (sulur paut, sulur yang menjalar)
Jal’lir (jalar?)
Jangok
Je’bek (men-cebik muka?)
Je’beng
Jelinang (air mata)
Jelok (kepala, semasa demam)
Jenere (jenera = nyenyak)
Jenggi (= meremang bulu roma, dan hubungannya)
Jo’ong (mendung)
Jujjuk (jujuk?)

Kanja (kanjal)
Katok (= pukul)
Keleh (kelih? = lihat)
Kelek (mengelek? bawa di celah lengan) BM?
Keras kerjong
Kerek (berkenaan telaga)
Kerek (= kerap)
Kilir (berkenaan mengasah)
Kocok (goncang)
Kuca (kucar?) lanya
Kuca (kacau?)

Lawo (lawa?)
Lere (= cuai?)
Lese (rata)
Leweh
Lok (biar)

Netting (lompat-lompat)
'Nja (= menghentak dengan tapak kaki, memukul)
Nger’ruh (berdengkur)
Non'neng (tergantung)
Nussuk (sembunyi)
Nyek (pijak)

Ogak-ogak (jentik-jentik)
Ogeh (goncang, *****)
Ogoh (goncang, *****)
Ongek

Panas sooh (sangat panas)
Parok (parah? Teruk)
Pattak (******?) = bahagian bawah, dasar (bukan lucah)
Pedor (sejenis rasa di lidah?)
Pi-‘yat (= memukul dengan rotan, lidi)
Plekong&Pletong (lontar)

Redoh (redah?, berkenaan hati, sangat sedih/sayu)
Repih (mematah)
Ret’tok (jambatan kecil)
Ret’tok (sj perhiasan)
Rok (dok rok)
Royak (memberitahu)

Se’eh (sangat kenyang)
Sedawa (sendawa)
Seke (=sangka?)
Sekoh (sekah?)
Selok (selak?) = menangis/sakit yang keterlaluan/tidak sedar diri
Seprong (teropong)
Sendung
Serek (hujan)
Seri’ya (seriau?)
Siy’yang (= kasihan, kesian)
Siang (menyiang?)
Si’nna (sinar?) bana
Ske’peng*
Sohor (tersohor, masyhur?)
Stab’buk*
Star’rang*
* Suka (ketawa)
Sullit (‘nyelik? = terselit)
Sutuh (satu bahagian rumah)
Sutuk (suntuk?) berkenaan kepala

Takir (takik?)
Tang (= katok) = pukul
Tang (arah) ke mana?
Teluh (telus?)
Tengak (lambat?)
Tirih (tiris)
Tohok (buang)
Tohor (cetek)
Tub’bir (tanah tinggi, pinggir antara tempat tinggi & rendah)
Tumb’bil (berkenaan mata?)
Tunja (tunjal)
Turuk (turut?) = ikut (jangan ‘diturutkan’ hati)

Uting (target)
Uting (seberkas anak padi di tapak semaian)

Wak (buat)
Weh (**ekspresi)
Wi (buwi, beri)

Policies and Procedures

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.


Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.


Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.




Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.


One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.


All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.


A second original monkey is removed and replaced.


The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.


This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.


However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.


One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder.


All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

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AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.


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Job Interview - Honest HR Question-Answers

If we were to Honestly reply to all the HR Questions they would go something like this

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4.What would you do if we hire you?
Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me.

5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company.
6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today!

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job... more money

11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website

14.What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%).

The Stock Market

The Stock Market simply illustrated ... is there a lesson here?


Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.


The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.


The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.


This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.


The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.


The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.


In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city , you can sell it to him for Rs50."


The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.


Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!!

SUV for his birthday

Two old guys talking.
One said to the other: "My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"

Thoughts to think about

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


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Gardening Rule:


When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.


If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


***********




The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


***********

Never take life seriously.


Nobody gets out alive anyway.


***********


There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.


***********


Life is sexually transmitted.


***********


An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.


***********


If quitters never win, and winners never quit,


then who is the fool who said : "Quit while you're ahead?"


***********


The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


***********


Always get the last word in: Apologize.


***********


Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;

teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


***********


Some people are like Slinkies . .

not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.


***********


Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


***********


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


***********


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


***********


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


***********


All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


***********


Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


***********

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

THINKING OUT OF THE BOX

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!


**********

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built.


**********



Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands. (Good one)


**********

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! an elephant with one hand.


**********

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.


**********

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.


**********

Q. What looks like half apple ?

A : The other half.


**********

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A : Lunch and Dinner.


**********

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A : It caused a revolution.


**********

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid


**********

ONE EXTRA SHOT


Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.


Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."


"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.


"What comes first, Day or Night?"


The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"


"How" the interviewer asked,


"Sorry Sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

10 things in golf that sound dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again

TEN AMAZING COINCIDENCESS

[http://bit.ly/dfnsl6]


What's in a Name?



A computer error gave two women in America called Patricia the same social security number. When the two women were brought together in an office to rectify the blunder they discovered that



* They had both been born with the names Patricia Ann Campbell



* Both of their fathers were called Robert Campbell



* Their birthdays were on 13th March 1941



* They had both married military men in the year 1959 (within eleven days of each other)



* They each had two children aged 19 and 21



* They both had an interest in oil painting



* Both had studied cosmetics



* Both had worked as book-keepers




Bullet With Your Name on It



In 1893, Henry Ziegland ended a relationship with his girlfriend.



Tragically, his girlfriend took the news very badly, became distraught and took her own life.



Her distressed brother blamed his sister's death upon Henry, he went round to Henry's house, saw him out in the garden and tried to shoot him.



Luckily, the bullet only grazed Henry's face and embedded itself in a nearby tree.



In 1913, twenty years after this incident, Henry decided to use dynamite to uproot a tree in his garden. The explosion propelled the embedded bullet from the tree straight into Henry Ziegland's head - killing him immediately.




Lucky Hughs?



On December 5th 1660, a ship sank in the straights of Dover - the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams.



On 5th December 1767, another ship sank in the same waters - 127 lost their lives, the only survivor was noted to be Hugh Williams On 8th August 1820, a picnic boat capsized on the Thames - there was one survivor - Hugh Williams.



On 10th July 1940, a British trawler was destroyed by a German mine - only two men survived, one man and his nephew - they were both called Hugh Williams.




With a Quack Quack Here



Mr McDonald was a farmer who lived in Canada - nothing extra-ordinary in that - until you learn that his postcode contained the letter sequence EIEIO.




'Til Death Did Them Part



In 1996, Paris police set out to investigate a late night, high speed car crash, both drivers had been killed instantly.



Investigations revealed that the deceased were in fact man and wife.



Police initially suspected some kind of murder or suicide pact but it became apparent that the pair had been separated for several months - neither could have known that the other would have been out driving that night - it was just a terrible coincidence.




She's Behind You!



Michael Dick had been travelling around the UK with his family to track down his daughter, Lisa - who he had lost contact with ten years earlier.



After a long fruitless search, he approached the Suffolk Free Press, who agreed to help him by putting an appeal in their newspaper.



Fortunately, his long lost daughter saw the appeal and the pair were reunited.



The odd thing was, his daughter had been right behind him when the free paper took the photograph - shown in the photograph above. What are the chances of that!




Licensed To Thrill



A fifteen year old pupil at Argoed High School in North Wales was to sit his GCSE examinations in 1990.



His name was James Bond - his examination paper reference was 007.




What Goes Around….



In 1965, at the age of four, Roger Lausier was swimming off a beach in Salem - he got into difficulties and was saved from drowning by a woman called Alice Blaise.



In 1974, on the same beach, Roger was out on a raft when he pulled a drowning man from the water - amazingly, the man he saved was Alice Blaise's husband.




Lightning Never Strikes Twice?



British cavalry officer Major Summerford was fighting in the fields of Flanders in the last year of WW1, a flash of lightning knocked him off his horse and paralysed him from his waist down.



He moved to Vancouver, Canada, six years later, whilst out fishing, Major Summer field was struck by lightning again and the right side of his body became paralysed.



After two years of recovery, it was a summers day and he was out in a local park, a summer storm blew up and Major Summerfield was struck by lightning again - permanently paralysing him.



He died two years after this incident.



However, four years after his death, his stone tomb was destroyed - it was struck by lightning!




Practice What You Preach



Businessman Danie de Toit made a speech to an audience in South Africa - the topic of his speech was - watch out because death can strike you down at any time.



At the end of his speech, he put a peppermint in his mouth, and choked to death on it!

Top 10 Countries Without Military Forces

As said by famous French statesman George Clemenceau, “War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military,” and even today, his statement still stands true. While most countries have large military forces that are able to deploy and protect at any given time (the largest and most notable being China, at about 1,600,000 army personnel), some countries have no military at all.

Below is a list of ten countries that have no set military forces, each of them with varying reasons why; some because of the country’s history other because of its location. While many people believe that a military force is a necessity, there are countries that see or have no need for them; however, in many cases, there is a back-up plan in the case that the country is attacked or war is declared upon that country.

10. Solomon Islands

The Solomon Islands, surprisingly, is not made up of just a few islands, but totals ranging in the thousands. Ever since the U.K. became the country’s protectorate in 1893, the country hasn’t had much of a military defense. During WWII the country did have the British Solomon Islands Protectorate Defense Force. Then, in 1976 the Solomon Islands were able to establish a government that was stable up until about 1998. During 1998-2006, the country was plagued with misconduct within the government, crime, and ethnic conflict. To properly resolve these issues, New Zealand and Australia both stepped in to restore peace and eventually disarm. Today the country internally has the Solomon Islands Police Force.

So who’s the protector?

There is no set protector of the Solomon Islands; however, the country had paid Australia for certain defense items. If a war were to ever be declared upon the islands, Australia would probably be one of the first countries to provide a defense. (Image: “Captain Warren Frederick Martin Clemens, British Solomon Islands Protectorate Defense Force (BSIPDF), with six members of the BSIPDF Scouts,” www.leatherneck.com.)

9. Costa Rica

Though the country did once have an army, today, Costa Rica stands as one of many countries without a formal standing army. On December 1, 1948, José Figueres Ferrer, president at the time, signed legislation that would abolish the military after the fatal Costa Rican civil war that killed almost 2,000 people. To properly represent this abolishment, the president himself was able to break a wall of the Cuartel Bellavista, which was once an army headquarters location. Today the country has the Fuerza Pública which provides law enforcement, ground security, border patrol, and many other common duties held by a police force.

So who’s the protector?

Thanks to the Inter-American Treaty of Reciprocal Assistance of 1947, if any country were to ever attack or declare war upon Costa Rica, the country can depend on 21 other countries, including the U.S., Chile, and Cuba to provide some sort of military force to provide defense. The treaty stands that if any of the signed countries were attacked, those other countries would be looked upon to help provide some sort of military defense.

8. Samoa

Today, Samoa has no set military force that could be used if ever necessary. Instead, the country would have to rely on outside friendships with other countries to find protection and defense in wartime. The country does have a Samoa Police Force, but of course, this is definitely not considered to be a military force for the entire country.

So who’s the protector?

Samoa has a friendship treaty with New Zealand, made in 1962. In the event of a war or other foreign invasion, Samoa can call upon New Zealand for any sort of necessary military aid. However the agreement does state that either country can pull out of the treaty at any time if wanted.

7. Palau

Despite the lack of a national military force, Palau does have a Palau National Police section that was created to provide the necessary protection for civilians. Like most police forces, the Palau National Police force is needed to keep the peace and attend to any internal unrest that may occur. If war were to ever arise, Palau would have to reach out for help from other countries to provide some sort of defense system.

So who’s the protector?

Standing as an associated state, Palau will be protected by the U.S. in the event that the country is attacked or if another country decides that war with Palau is a must. This is because of the Compact of Free Association of 1983 that basically made the U.S. the protectorate of Palau.

6. Andorra

Despite not ever having a true organized military, the tiny country of Andorra was bold enough to declare war on Germany in 1914 and join the so called Great War. With a 10-man strong army, the country did not do much and was not taken seriously. Even though the country did officially pick sides, Andorra was not invited to the Versailles Peace Treaty negotiations. In 1931 the group of men roughly called an army was replaced by the Andorran National Police. This group, made up of about 240 men, was created to help keep the peace and is even trained to provide hostage rescue. Joining the police force is a must if you’re a man who owns a firearm.

So who’s the protector?

Andorra has not one, not two, but three protectors. France and Spain have both pledged to be the militaristic protectors of the 181 sq mi. country because of its location (landlocked). In fact in 1933, France militaristic force was needed to help settle civil unrest in the country. Besides these two countries, NATO forces would also take part in protecting the country if ever necessary.

5. Grenada

Ever since the American-led invasion of Grenada, the country has not been able to establish a standing army. The invasion was mostly started because of a military coup and a power struggle within the government that led to the execution of the Grenadian Prime Minister, Maurice Bishop. Because of this invasion which successfully turned a communist state back into a democratic nation, the country does not have a standing army, but relies on the Royal Grenada Police Force as well as the Regional Security System.

So who’s the protector?

There is no set country that is set out to protect Grenada with a military force. Because of the Regional Security System, the country can look to Antigua and Barbuda, Barbados, Dominica, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, and Saint Vincent and the Grenadines for some sort of military support; however, most of these countries do not have a big enough defense system to be of great assistance. It seems that inevitably the U.S. would run to the rescue.

4. Marshall Islands

Under the Compact of Free Association of 1983, the Marshall Islands was granted the status of a sovereign nation. Also involved in the pact is the Federated States of Micronesia and Palau. Under this agreement, the three countries would be free, but would stand as associated states to the U.S. This means that the U.S. will serve as the protectorate and that the Marshall Islands would have no regular military force, or any sort of responsibility for the country’s defense during wartime. The country created the Marshall Islands Police to carry out common police duties within the country.

So who’s the protector?

Since the Marshall Islands are considered to be an associated state to the U.S., the U.S. is fully responsible for the country’s defense and security. If the islands were ever attacked, the U.S. would have to provide the necessary military support to assist in the war.

3. Liechtenstein

Like a few others on the list, Liechtenstein is another country that decided to completely abolish its standing army. Liechtenstein got rid of its army in 1868 after the Austro-Prussian War because it was said to be too expensive for the country to afford. After the country was freed from the German Confederation, it was obligated to maintain its own army, but the funding just wasn’t available. However, to keep peace within the country, there is a police force known as the Principality of Liechtenstein National Police.

So who’s the protector?

There is no set country that would have to defend Liechtenstein in the event of a war or some other sort of attack. It is said that the country is allowed to rally up an army in the case of a war, but this army would probably be futile and help from Switzerland just might come. There have been talks of Switzerland being responsible for Liechtenstein’s defense, but neither country have proven or denied this claim. (Image: www.landespolizei.li.)

2. Nauru

Nauru, known as the smallest island country in the world at just 8.1 sq miles is definitely unique in many ways, though like plenty others on the list, has no set standing army or any other type of military force. The country, possibly due to its size, doesn’t even have a capital. Though extremely small, the country does have a Nauru Police Force that is utilized to ensure that the country is able to maintain stability. Located in a group of thousands of small islands called Micronesia, the country is heavily relied upon for its readily accessible phosphate. Today the country keeps close contact with nearby Australia and other Micronesia islands.

So who’s the protector?

It is said that through an informal agreement made between Nauru and Australia that Australia would supply militaristic needs or basic country defense. In fact, in December 1940 when Germany attacked Nauru, the Australian Navy was called upon to defend the country as necessary.

1. Vatican City

Named the smallest country in the world, Vatican City, unsurprisingly, is a country that does not have a de jure military; however, this hasn’t always been the case. In the past, there were numerous militaristic groups that were created to protect the country and most importantly the Pope. Notably the Noble Guard and the Palatine Guard did exist, but Pope Paul VI abolished both groups in 1970. Today, Vatican City’s best example of a militaristic force would be the Pontifical Swiss Guard. This group is meant to protect the Pope as well as the Palace of the Vatican. There is also the Gendarmerie Corps, but this group is considered to be a civilian force rather than military. They are responsible for keeping public order, traffic control, border control, and investigating criminal activity.

So who’s the protector?

Well, since Vatican City is located in Rome, Italy is fully responsible for protecting the tiny country within its own country’s capital. Italy has an organized armed force of about 186,798 men and women with 109,703 personnel in the Army and 43,882 in the Navy. The country also has an Air Force that can provide protection as needed.

100 Manusia Yang paling Berpengaruh dalam Sejarah

Penulis amat tertarik dengan sebuah buku yang dikarang oleh Michael H. Hart yang merupakan seorang berbangsa yahudi dan juga ahli astronomi di dalam bukunya yg bertajuk:

The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History (100 Manusia Yang Paling Berpengaruh di Dalam Sejarah)..

Apa yang menarik Michael H. Hart meletakkan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W di ranking yang pertama yang menyebabkan buku ini menimbulkan kontroversi di kalangan yahudi sendiri. Antara alasannya ialah Nabi Muhammad S.A.W mampu mencari pengaruh bilionan manusia di seluruh dunia melalui peranan Agama dan Pemerintahan..

Yang menghairankan saya orang yahudi boleh mengiktiraf Nabi S.A.W sedemikian tetapi yang wujud di zaman sekarang adalah orang islam sendiri yang tidak 'respect' pada Rasulullah S.A.W..

mari kita perhatikan 100 ranking manusia berpengaruh dalam sejarah..

1 Muhammad
2 Isaac Newton
3 Jesus Christ
4 Buddha
5 Confucius
6 St. Paul
7 Ts'ai Lun
8 Johann Gutenberg
9 Christopher Columbus
10 Albert Einstein
11 Louis Pasteur
12 Galileo Galilei
13 Aristotle
14 Euclid
15 Moses
16 Charles Darwin
17 Shih Huang Ti
18 Augustus Caesar
19 Nicolaus Copernicus
20 Antoine Laurent Lavoisier
21 Constantine the Great
22 James Watt
23 Michael Faraday
24 James Clerk Maxwell
25 Martin Luther
26 George Washington
27 Karl Marx
28 Orville and Wilbur Wright
29 Genghis Khan
30 Adam Smith
31 Edward de Vere a.k.a. William Shakespeare
32 John Dalton
33 Alexander the Great
34 Napoleon Bonaparte
35 Thomas Edison
36 Antony van Leeuwenhoek
37 William T.G. Morton
38 Guglielmo Marconi
39 Adolf Hitler
40 Plato
41 Oliver Cromwell
42 Alexander Graham Bell
43 Alexander Fleming
44 John Locke
45 Ludwig van Beethoven
46 Werner Heisenberg
47 Louis Daguerre
48 Simon Bolivar
49 Rene Descartes
50 Michelangelo
51 Pope Urban II
52 'Umar ibn al-Khattab
53 Asoka
54 St. Augustine
55 William Harvey
56 Ernest Rutherford
57 John Calvin
58 Gregor Mendel
59 Max Planck
60 Joseph Lister
61 Nikolaus August Otto
62 Francisco Pizarro
63 Hernando Cortes
64 Thomas Jefferson
65 Queen Isabella I
66 Joseph Stalin
67 Julius Caesar
68 William the Conqueror
69 Sigmund Freud
70 Edward Jenner
71 Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen
72 Johann Sebastian Bach
73 Lao Tzu
74 Voltaire
75 Johannes Kepler Lutheran
76 Enrico Fermi
77 Leonhard Euler
78 Jean-Jacques Rousseau
79 Nicoli Machiavelli
80 Thomas Malthus
81 John F. Kennedy
82 Gregory Pincus
83 Mani
84 Lenin
85 Sui Wen Ti
86 Vasco da Gama
87 Cyrus the Great
88 Peter the Great
89 Mao Zedong
90 Francis Bacon
91 Henry Ford
92 Mencius
93 Zoroaster
94 Queen Elizabeth I
95 Mikhail Gorbachev
96 Menes
97 Charlemagne
98 Homer
99 Justinian I
100 Mahavira

kredit to http://ibnuzaid359.blogspot.com/

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Amazing Word Scrabble

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!

hehehhe

Sunday, October 17, 2010

world weather forecast

Friday, October 15, 2010

Message to the Thief

10 Perkara Mengenai Jin

Oleh: Ustaz Ismail Kamus

1. Jin berasal dari Jan (Bapak Jin) dan gelarannya Azazil. Dicipta dari api (biru), dan telah beramal puluh ribu tahun lamanya.

2. Apabila Allah swt. memerintahkannya supaya tunduk menghormati Nabi Adam, mereka telah ingkar. Allah swt. melaknat dan perintah turun ke bumi. Jin terbahagi kepada dua iaitu Jin Islam dan Syaitan.


3. Jin Islam pula terbahagi kepada dua iaitu Jin Islam(Soleh) dan Jin Tidak Islam (Tidak Soleh). Syaitan yang turun kesemuanya jahat (tidak Islam).

4. Makanannya dari Api (Asap). Itu sebab orang-orang Melayu dilarang mengunakan kemenyan kerana Jin paling suka dengan asap yang busuk.Tetapi orang-orang melayu ini degil, suka sangat dengan asap kemenyan. Beliau
menambah, orang-orang yang suka hisap rokok itu, adik-beradik jin lah tuu (sambil berseloroh).

5. Tempat tinggal Jin seperti di awan, sungai, hutan, lombong, laut, tempat-tempat tinggi (klcc), tandas dan kubur.

6. Beliau menasihat apabila ingin buang air di perjalanan (contohnya jalanraya), perlu baca ” Sala Mun, ‘Ala Sulaiman, Fil ‘alamin.” Mengikut sirahnya jin sangat takut dengan Nabi Sulaiman. Orang-orang Melayu suka
sangat membaca ucapan, “Ampun Datuk, Anak cucu tumpang lalu” Masa bila pulak jin dapat pangkat datuk. Dan masa bila pula, kita jadi cucu cicit jin!!!!

7. Jin tidak mengetahui akan alam ghaib, itu sebab jika ada dukun atau bomoh yang tahu menilik-nilik nasib, pembohong….” Sirahnya apabila Nabi Sulaiman, memerintahkan jin untuk membina istananya, sehingga Nabi Sulaiman meninggal pun jin tidak perasan/tahu. Semasa itu Nabi Sulaiman duduk di kerusinya dengan tongkat kayu. Dan jin tekun membuat kerja di hadapan-nya. Sehingga anai-anai memakan tongkatnya dan tongkat tersebut reput dan jatuh serta Nabi Sulaiman pun jatuh, maka barulah tahu oleh jin bahawa Nabi Sulaiman telah mangkat.

8. Manusia juga dilarang membuang air di lombong-lombong yang airnya tenang, terutama di waktu tengah malam. Jin suka mandi di situ, waktu itu. Di larang juga buang air di lubang-lubang (tanah).

9. Rumah-rumah yang lama tidak berpenghuni atau rumah yang baru siap belum duduk lagi, jin suka tinggal di situ. Sebelum duduk rumah baru, di galakkan membaca surah Al-Baqarah, sehingga habis. Jin lari selama 3 hari. Tidak perlu tepung tawar bagai…. orang melayu suka sangat menepung tawar !!!

10. Jika budak menangis tengah-tengah malam, azankan 7 ~ 10 kali, jika tidak bacakan ayat Kursi dengan cara 9 kali henti (tekniknya) sebab beliau pernah jumpa orang yang di rasuk.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Tips yang mudah tapi berkesan

Tatacara makan & minum
=====================

* Makan buah sebelum breakfast, lunch & dinner ~ ikut Sunnah & dapat pahala & also boleh rujuk kpd pakar pemakanan, vit C dari buah2an yg dimakan selepas breakfast, lunch & dinner yang akan diperolehi adalah approaching 0%.

* Jangan minum air semasa sedang makan (breakfast, lunch & dinner). Minum air selepas 15-30 minit selesai makan. Untuk minum, bagi teguk yg pertama sahaja, biarkan air dlm mulut about 10s then baru telan. Teguk kedua & seterusnya boleh minum terus ~ sbb air liur ada enzyme yg boleh membunuh kuman dlm pankreas, perut, & so on yg akan dibawa oleh air tegukan pertama.

* Seelok2nya makan malam sblm maghrib ~ ikut sunnah (Rasullullah makan sblm maghrib kecuali bulan Ramadhan saja ie masa maghrib), sbb, bagi yg tgh study (or anak2), otak akan berfungsi excellently (senang absorb ilmu) around 2 hrs slps makan so, if makan at 8:30pm, around 10:30pm baru start study and most probably hanya boleh bertahan hingga jam 12 tgh malam saja, jadi, tak byk yg boleh dipelajari berbanding kalau makan pukul 6:30 (org Cina take dinner around this hour). Juga, kita tak tidur dlm kekenyangan (yg mana boleh menghindar dari membuat sembahyang malam).

* Sebelum tidur, maafkan semua orang tak kira siapa ~ InsyaAllah, Allah lipat gandakan rezeki.

* Sebelum tidur, berdoa, depends on apa yg kita hendak ~ sepanjang tidur, otak akan generatekan all of our wish & InsyaAllah, kita akan work towards it (ada semangat) di keesokan harinya.

Tatacara di bilik air
=====================

* Selepas buang air kecil, berdehem 3x (teran sikit) ~ boleh elak drpd dapat batu karang

* Semasa buang air besar, mengiring sedikit ke kiri ~ ikut sunnah sbb bila mengiring ke kiri, perut akan tekan bladder and senang buang air besar.

Tatacara didik anak
===================

* Antara tips untuk dpt anak bijak/genius, ajar anak (atau baby) tidur mengiring ke kanan ~ sbb jantung (yg terletak sblh kiri) akan lebih "lapang"/"lega" dan mudah berdegup (perjalanan darah okay) and otak anak akan develop excellently.

* Bagi anak2 yg dah azalinya active or hyper-active, kurang (or jgn) pakaikan baju warna orange ~ sbb warna ini boleh merangsang secara actifnya tindak tanduk anak (ie. akan lebih nakal), sentiasa bersemangat waja & exuberant.

Tatacara didik diri sendiri
===========================

* Amalkan apa2 yg baik (juga amalan2 baru) selama 21+ plus hari berturut2 ~ Rasullullah (saw) bersabda, sst amalan yg diamalkan sekitar 21-30 hari, continuously, akan menjadi tabiat and kalau tak, ilmu itu akan mati.

* Buang segala rasa hasad dengki, dendam & lain2 yg -ve ~ emosi2 ini akan membenarkan otak release excessive adrenaline, cortisone & toxine yg mana boleh membawa kpd bbrp penyakit cepat letih, wajah cepat nampak tua (tua sblm waktunya), selalu sakit perut & etc

Semoga bermenfaat!

21 Facts to Know

1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop these bulbs.

2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name!

4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite and savour blood.

5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.

6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.

7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.

8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

9. It actually snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979. Can you beat that!!

10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.

11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.

16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.

17. At 40 degrees centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.

18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.

19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot .

20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after fatty meals.

21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

Friday, September 17, 2010

I have Solved Problems

Dumbest People on Earth

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it...'



For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!



They walk amongst us!

*****************************

I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.

The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"

*****************************

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.... 'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '



They walk among us!

*****************************

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.

She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '



They Walk Among Us!

*****************************

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'. They Walk Among Us!

*****************************

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the car trunk.



They Walk Among Us!

*****************************

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"



I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.... They Walk Among Us !

*****************************

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.

'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'.... (I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!

*****************************

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among Us!



*****************************



And last, but not least: Dumb as a box of Rocks

A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, TRUE STORY:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history..'

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

MBA vs BE Student

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent ,and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"



The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Monday, August 30, 2010

GOOD BAD AND WORSE

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can`t find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You`re in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He`s a cross dresser
Worse: He looks better than you

Good: Your son`s finally maturing
Bad: He`s involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections

Good: Your wife`s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Worse: She`s a lawyer

Good: You get into bed, and she`s feeling horny tonight.
Bad: You are drunk, and are feeling tired.
Worse: You forgot her mother is staying over, and you`ve entered the wrong room.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Helping Hands - Really touching

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Tank Thank Tang

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Sleep Safe Tape

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

SO, YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS?

This is very interesting!

Read on...

damn...

Why men don't write advice columns......haha

Monday, August 16, 2010

HAT OR A$$

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tightly so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam, I'm sorry to appear forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday"

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ramadan Bulan Tarbiah

Assalamualaikom..

Ramadhan adalah bulan tarbiah dan jihad bagi pejuang-pejuang Islam.
Justeru itu kedatangan Ramadhan adalah proses untuk menundukkan hawa nafsu yang sentiasa bergelodak dalam jiwa untuk mengabadikan jihad dan perjuangan. Andainya hawa nafsu boleh ditundukkan dengan jalan lain (bukan berpuasa) nescaya Allah akan mewajibkannya. Namun bilamana Allah mewajibkan puasa kepada umat dahulu dan sekarang, bermakna hawa nafsu hanya dapat dikawal melalui ibadat puasa,

Ramadhan janganlah dijadikan alasan untuk mengabaikan jihad; kerana tarbiah Ramdhan adalah tarbiyah langsung dari Allah, sehingga Allah menyatakan dalam hadis Qudsi yang bermaksud: Puasa kamu untuk Ku, maka Akulah yang akan memberi balasannya.

Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan datang lagi dengan penuh rahmat dan keberkatan. Marilah kita panjatkan kesyukuran ke hadrat Ilahi kerana dipanjangkan umur sehingga kita bertemu semula Ramadhan,

Katanya, Rasulullah s.a.w. sering kali berdoa yang bermaksudnya: Ya Allah, berkatilah kami dalam bulan Syaaban, dan (panjangkan umur kami) sehingga bertemu dengan Ramadhan.

Betapa besarnya rahmat Ilahi bilamana kita dipanjangkan umur sehingga bertemu dengan Ramadhan kerana sabda Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda yang bermaksud: Antara Ramadhan ke Ramadhan adalah pengampunan Allah.

Maksudnya, jelasnya sesiapa yang dipanjangkan umur sehingga dapat bertemu dengan Ramadhan, maka Allah akan mengampuni dosa-dosanya yakni dosa kecil.
Panjang umur bukan kerja kita, ia benar-benar hak mutlak Allah; lantaran itu marilah kita mensyukurinya..

Selamat Menjalani Ibadah Puasa dan hidupkan lah Ramadan dengan membanyakkan amalan2 harian, Tadarus, Qiamullail, sedekah, memohon keampunan kepada kedua ibu bapa, suami isteri, anak2, kaum keluarga dan sahabat handai dan orang2 yang berada di sekeliling kita..

Saya memohan ampun dan maaf..

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Selamat Berpuasa

Monday, August 9, 2010

Croc family album

Thursday, August 5, 2010

in style: electric grill

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Test: How Fast Are You?

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Monday, August 2, 2010

World's Smallest resignation letter?

World's Smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I luv ur wife.

Yours sincerely.

Difference Between Eau de Parfum and Eau de Toilette

People like to smell good. What classes as good varies from person to person, but in general spices, fruits, and flowers are preferable to the standard human body odor created by a mixture of sweat and dirt on our skin. Because of this, people have gone to great lengths throughout the ages to eliminate bad smells from their body. One popular method is applying perfume. Making perfume is an exacting science, and over the years perfumers have developed many different varieties. Two different varieties of perfume are eau de parfum and eau de toilette.

Translations of the Terms
Both eau de parfum and eau de toilette are French words that have found common usage in English.
Eau de parfum translates to water of perfume.
Eau de toilette translates to water of the toilet.
These are literal translations and bear only a limited meaning on the actual functions of eau de parfum and eau de toilette.

Definitions of the Terms
Eau de parfum – is a type of perfume with a medium-high concentration of perfumed oils in comparison to the water or alcohol content of the solution
Eau de toilette – is a type of perfume with a medium-low concentration of perfumed oils

How These Perfumes are Made
Perfumeries keep their formulas secret. The recipes have been handed down from generation to generation in some cases. Therefore you can’t really know precisely how perfumes are made. However, the general formulas for eau de parfum and eau de toilette are as follows:
Eau de parfum – is made with around 15% concentrated aromatic compounds. This means scented particles suspended in oil. The rest is made from a combination of ethanol and water. Better eau de parfum has a higher ratio of ethanol to water.
Eau de toilette – is made with around 10% concentrated aromatic compounds. It generally has more water than ethanol in it.

Which One Should You Buy?
Eau de parfum – is more expensive. You will generally only find this variety of perfume in upscale lines. That is because of the higher amount of aromatic compound. It also lasts a lot longer. Depending on the dryness of your skin, a few drops of eau de parfum should last from morning until night.
Eau de toilette – is less expensive because it is less concentrated. That also means that it doesn’t last as long. If you love to wear perfume all day, you will probably find that you need to reapply at least once. This of course, can up the overall cost.

Summary:
1.Eau de parfum and eau de toilette are both types of perfume.
2.Eau de parfum has a greater concentration of scent than eau de toilette.
3.Eau de parfum lasts longer than eau de toilette.
4.Eau de parfum is more expensive than eau de toilette, though, since you have to apply eau de toilette more often, the costs may turn out to be equal.

Written Job Application

Two young men with equal qualifications apply for the same job.

In order to determine which individual to hire, the manager gives them a written test.

Both men score nine out of 10 on the test; however, the manager decides to go with the first applicant.

"Why would you do that?" asks the rejected second applicant.

"We both got nine questions correct."

"Your fellow applicant wrote 'I don't know' for question five. You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

NIGHT CLASSES

During work, Ravin and David were chatting:

Ravin: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
David: oh!

Ravin: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
David: No

Ravin: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.



The next day, the same discussion took place:

Ravin: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
David: No

Ravin: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Ravin: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
David: No

Ravin: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, David got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is John Von Stanley?
Ravin: No

David: He's the guy who's screwing your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Info hantu pocong

1919 Anti Drinking Ads

35 Local Home Remedies

Here are 35 Indian Home Remedies for everything imaginable and have been used for hundreds of years, before the advent of modern medicine.

This is good especially for minor aliments and aches and pains. Print it out and keep it in a place where you can find it easily, when needed. This may avoid a trip to the doctors and/or make you feel healthy (and even look beautiful) in the process. Take Care!


1) Home Remedies for Asthma:

Take 1 tsp honey and 1/4 tsp cinnamon powder and mix them well before consuming. For people who are in their early stages of asthma, a perfect home remedy is to boil 8-10 cloves of garlic in 1/2 cup of milk and consume it during night time. Take very hot water and add a tsp of honey in it. Consume it just before sleeping and take small sips


2) Home Remedies for Body Odour:

Use antibacterial soap or deodorant soap while bathing. To combat the unpleasant armpit odour apply cider vinegar. It serves as the best body odour home remedy treatment. In the bathing water, add a few cups of tomato juice and soak yourself in water for about 15 minutes.


3) Home Remedies for Backache:

Lime juice serves as an excellent home remedy for backache. Squeeze the juice of 1 lemon and add common salt in it. Drink it two times in a day. It will act as a great back pain reliever.

As a part of back pain home remedy treatment, raw potato in the form of poultice is to be applied on the pain affected area.

Usually Vitamin C that is mainly found in citrus fruits is considered valuable for getting rid of backaches. Consume about 2000 mg of this vitamin everyday.

Applying garlic oil on the back gives immense relief from back pain. Take about 10 small garlic pieces and fry them in oil on a low flame. You can either use sesame oil, coconut oil or mustard oil. Fry till the garlic cloves turn light brown. Let the oil prepared from garlic cool completely.

Thereafter apply it on the back and keep it for about three hours. In a couple of days, you'll feel its magical effects


4)Home Remedies for Cough:

Grapes help a great deal in treating cold in a few days. Consume 1 cup grape juice and also add 1-teaspoon honey to it.

Almonds are excellent for dry coughs. Soak about seven almonds in water and keep them overnight. Next morning peel off the brown skin.

Now grind them to form a powder and add twenty grams each of butter and sugar and form a paste. Consume it twice a day , once in the morning and the second time in the evening.


5) Home Remedies for Common Cold:

Lemon can be used effectively to treat common cold, as it increases the body resistance. Take one glass of warm water and pour some lime juice and a tsp of honey in it and consume it once or twice on a daily basis.

Take 1 tbsp of Pepper powder and boil it in a cup of milk. Also add on a pinch of turmeric to it. Put some sugar for taste. Drink it once in a day for about three days.

Take 3-4 tsp Onion juice and 3-4 tsp Honey and mix well before consuming.


6) Home Remedies for Common Fever:

The juice of grapefruit is valuable in all fevers. Helpful in quenching thirst, it also removes the burning sensation produced by the fever. Half a glass of grapefruit juice should be taken with half a glass of water.

Another ideal food in all types of fever is orange. It provides energy, increases urinary output, and promotes body resistance against infections. It is especially effective when the digestive power of the body is seriously hampered.


7)Home Remedies for Defective Vision:

Consume foods rich in vitamin A (like raw spinach, turnip tops, milk cream, cheese, butter, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, cabbage, Soya beans, green peas, fresh milk), as vitamin A helps in improving the eyesight.


8) Home Remedies for Diabetes:

Take 15 fresh mango leaves and boil them in 1 glass of water. Keep them overnight. Filter and drink the next morning.

As a part of diabetes home remedy treatment, grapefruit is considered most beneficial. Eat three grape fruits three times in a day.

Indian gooseberry (Amla), a rich source of vitamin C serves as the best home remedy for diabetes. Take 1 tbsp of gooseberry juice and mix it with a cup of bitter gourd (Karela) juice. Consume the mixture daily for about 2 months.


9) Home Remedies for Dry Chapped Lips:

Drink plenty of water every day. Cut fine slices of cucumber and rub on lips. Take a saline bath. Apply neem leaves extract on your lips.


10) Home Remedies for Diarrhoea:

Take a ripe banana and mash it properly. Add 1 tsp of tamarind pulp and a pinch of salt to it. Consume this mixture two times in a day.

A simple effective home remedy for diarrhea is to drink a cup of strong tea or coffee.

A popular diarrhea home remedy treatment is to consume a paste made of 15-20 fresh curry leaves mixed with 1 tsp honey.

Take a ripe banana, add 1/4 tsp nutmeg powder to it and eat it on a daily basis.

Take a tsp of date paste and mix with 1 tsp honey. This mixture is to be consumed 4-5 times a day.


11) Home Remedies for Ear Ache:

Boil 3-4 cloves of Garlic in some water. Mash them and add a pinch of salt. Wrap this 0poultice in a flannel or woolen cloth and place on the aching ear.

Pour some garlic juice in the paining ear. Its antibiotic qualities help to relieve the pain.

Take Vitamin C to boost=2 0your immune system. It is a natural antibiotic and antihistamine that helps to reduce inflammation and fever. Include zinc in your diet because it reduces ear infection. Certain foods, more commonly dairy products like milk, butter, cheese etc tend to aggravate ear infections, so it is better to avoid them during an ear infection


12)Home Remedies for Genital Warts:

Extract juice from onion slices and add salt to it. Apply this juice on the wart-affected area and see the magical effects.

Another great idea is to apply the milky juice of figs on the warts 2-3 times in a day, till the warts disappear.

Put few drops of apple cider vinegar on the warts using cotton ball.

Consume foods rich in folic acid and beta-carotene. Eat plenty of green leafy veggies


13) Home Remedies for Gingivitis:

Take some clove oil and rub it on your gums. Or else, keep a clove in your mouth and chew slowly.

Brush your teeth with toothpaste that contains sage oil, peppermint oil etc..

In 1 glass of lukewarm water, add a pinch of salt and prepare a homemade saline solution. Using this solution, gargle two times in a day. It will help a great deal in reducing the swelling in your mouth.

To heal the gum swelling, use an anti bacterial mouth wash.

Patients suffering from Gingivitis should consume foods containing low saturated fats.


14) Home Remedies for Hair Loss:

One of the best home remedies for treating hair loss is to massage your scalp with fingers gently. It will also aid in increasing blood circulation and lend glow to your hair.

Amla oil serves as an excellent tonic for hair conditioning. Apply this oil on the scalp and see the wonderful results.. OR for nourishing your hair, apply coconut milk all over your scalp and massage it into the hair roots.


15) Home Remedies for Hangover:

Drink plenty of water before going to bed as well as when you wake up in the morning.

Eating some foodstuff while and after you are drinking will slow down the rate at which alcohol enters the blood, thereby reducing the hangover.

Consume vitamin C tablets, as they lead to the breakdown of alcohol content in the body.


16) Home Remedies for Headache:

Eat an apple with a little salt on an empty stomach everyday and see its wonderful effects.

When headache is caused by cold winds, cinnamon works best in curing headache. Make a paste of cinnamon by mixing in water and apply it all over your forehead

17) Home Remedies for Heartburn:

Ginger serves as an effective home remedy for heartburn. Grind fresh ginger and prepare ginger tea.. You can even add ginger to foods.

Increase your fiber intake, as it aids in the absorption of excess acid and gas. It helps in flushing out the toxins from your body.

Drink plenty of water at least 8 glasses everyday.

Green tea is also effective in treating heartburn.

Prepare herbal tea containing equal small amounts of peppermint, chamomile, ginger, licorice root and catnip. Preferably, it should be taken after dinner


18) Home Remedies for Herpes:

Take a few ice cubes and rub them on the cold sore affected area for a few minutes.

Take a warm tea bag and apply it on the fever blisters for about half an hour.

Lemon balm extract is considered valuable in healing Herpes infection.

Consume foods rich in vitamins. Zinc and iron are also vital. Eat plenty of fruits and green veggies


19) Home Remedies for High Blood Cholesterol:

In 1 glass of water, add 2 tbsps of coriander seeds and bring to a boil. Let the decoction cool for some time and then strain. Drink this mixture two times in a day.

Sunflower seeds are extremely beneficial, as they contain linoleic acid that helps in reducing the cholesterol deposits on the walls of arteries. You just need to modify your cooking style a bit and substitute sunflower seeds for solid fats such as butter and cream.

Incorporate loads of fiber in your meals, as fiber helps a great=2 0deal in lowering the cholesterol pressure in blood.


20) Home Remedies for High Blood Pressure:

A real effective home remedy for high blood pressure is to take 1 tsp honey, 1 tsp ginger juice and 1 tsp cumin powder and mix them well. Have this mixture at least two times in a day. As a part of high bp home remedy treatment, it's good to try out the idea of consuming coriander or fenu greek leaves mixed in 1 cup of water.

Take about 25-30 curry leaves and make a juice, using 1-cup water. You can even add on lime juice to it for making it tastier. Strain and drink it in the morning.


21) Home Remedies for Menopausal Disorder:

When a woman experiences menopause, she should take a daily supplement consisting of 500 mg magnesium and 2 gm of calcium.

Carrot seeds are of great value in case of menopause. In 1 glass of cow's milk, put a tsp of carrot seeds and boil for about 10 minutes or so. Consume it everyday as a medicine.

Liquorice serves as an effective remedy for menopause, as it contains the natural female hormone, estrogen. Thus, it helps in making up for the lost hormones.


22) Home Remedies for Obesity:

On an empty stomach in the morning, drink 1 glass of warm water mixed with juice of half a lime and 1 tsp honey.

In 1 cup of water, add 3 tsp of lime juice, 1/2 tsp pepper powder and some honey. Drink this everyday for=2 0about 3-4 months.

As a substitute of breakfast, consume 2 ripe tomatoes in the morning. This remedy will aid in reducing your weight at a faster rate.


24) Home Remedies for Prostate Disorders:

Pumpkin seeds are extremely useful in treating prostate disorders. The seeds of pumpkin act as a rich source of unsaturated fatty acids that are vital to the health of the prostate.. Men suffering from prostate trouble must take about 60-90 gm of pumpkin seeds daily. Pumpkin can be consumed in the form of powder spread over the cooked food. You can also mix them with white flour for making chapattis.

Zinc has been found beneficial in the treatment of prostate disorders. Take about 30 milligrams of this mineral everyday.

Vitamin E is beneficial for prostate health. The patient should be given foods rich in vitamin E like wholegrain products, green leafy vegetables, milk and sprouted seeds.

In 200 ml spinach juice, add 300 ml of carrot juice. You can even have carrot juice separately. Vegetable juices are excellent in curing prostate disorders.


25) Home Remedies for Ringworm:

Take a raw fresh papaya and cut out slices. Rub the slice on the ringworm patch. It serves as an excellent home remedy for ring worms.

Take a few mustard seeds and powder them. Thereafter, make a paste using water.. Apply the paste on the ringworm-affected area and see its wonderful effects.


26) Home Remedies for Sexual Impotence:

Garlic is considered valuable in treating the problem of sexual impotence. It acts like a tonic for loss of sexual power Chew 2-3 cloves of raw garlic daily.

Another aphrodisiac food next to garlic is onion. It aids in strengthening the reproductive organs. Prefer going in for white onions.

Carrots have proved beneficial in creating the desire for sex. Take about 150 gm of finely chopped carrots and eat them with a half boiled egg, dipped in 1 tbsp of honey. Consume it once a day for about a month or two.


27) Home Remedies for Sinusitis:

Mango serves as an effective home remedy for preventing the frequent attacks of sinus, as it is packed with loads of vitamin A. OR Another beneficial remedy consists of consuming pungent foods like onion and garlic, as a part of your daily meals.

Fenugreek leaves are considered valuable in curing sinusitis. In 250 ml water, boil 1 tsp of Fenugreek seeds and reduce it to half. This will help you to perspire, dispel toxicity and reduce the fever period.

Tie a tsp of black cumin seeds in a thin cotton cloth and inhale..


28) Home Remedies for Sore Throat:

Take 1-2 cloves of garlic and 2-3 cloves and make a paste. Mix with 1 cup of honey. Drink 1 tsp about 3 times in a day. In 1 cup of warm milk, add a pinch of turmeric powder.. Drink the milk before going to bed.

Take 1 whole onion and boil it with some water. Thereafter, mash it and add some butter, salt and pepper to it. Now eat this mixture.


29) Home Remedies for Stomach Ache:

Drink plenty of water , as it helps in ensuring smooth bowel movements.

Drink lemon tea with some honey added in it for taste. It will keep away stomach ache.

Mix 1 tsp each of mint juice and lime juice. Add some ginger juice and black salt in it. Drink this mixture.


30) Home Remedies for Tonsillitis :

Take a fresh lemon and squeeze it in a glass of water. Add 4 tsp of honey and ¼ tsp of common salt in it. Drink it slowly sip by sip.

Milk has proved beneficial in treating tonsillitis. In 1 glass of pure boiled milk, add a pinch of turmeric powder and pepper powder. Drink it every night for about 3 days.


31) Home Remedies for Toothache:

Dip 1 clove of garlic in rock salt and place it on the affected tooth.

Keep a piece of raw onion inside the mouth on the affected tooth.

Clove serves as an excellent home remedy for toothache. Keep a clove in your mouth and suck it. You can even apply clove oil on the affected tooth.

Lime is considered valuable in maintaining the health of teeth.

Consume the juice of wheat grass, as it acts as a fabulous mouthwash in case of tooth decay.


32) Home Remedies for Wrinkles:

Application of20 leftover egg whites at the bottom of the shell to the problematic area serves as an effective home remedy for wrinkles.

For the sagging skin under the eyes or on the throat, apply some odorless Castor oil.

Take some coconut oil and massage on the wrinkled skin.

Eat 1 tsp of shredded ginger along with a few drops of honey every morning.

Rub the core of a pineapple all over your face for sometime and leave it for 10 to 15 minutes.


33) Home Remedies for Urinary Tract Infection:

In 8 oz of water, put 1/2 tsp of baking soda and drink it.

Drink plenty of water, as it aids in flushing out the waste products from the body.

Drink Cranberry juice. You can also add some apple juice for taste.


34) Home Remedies for Warts:

Apply Castor oil daily over the problematic area. Continue for several months.

Apply milky juice of fresh and barely-ripe figs a number of times a day. Continue for two weeks.

Rub cut raw potatoes on the affected area several times daily. Continue for at least two weeks.

Rub cut onions on the warts to stimulate the circulation of blood.

Apply powder of herb Indian squall daily over the warts.

Apply milk from the cut end of dandelion over the warts 2-3 times a day.

Apply oil extracted from the shell of the cashew nut over the warts.

Apply Papaya juice

Apply Pineapple juice


35) Home Remedies for Vomiting:

Take 2 cardamoms and roast them on a dry pan (tava). Powder the cardamoms and thereafter add a tsp of honey in it.. Consume it frequently. It serves as a fabulous home remedy for vomiting.

In the mixture of 1 tsp of mint juice and 1 tsp lime juice, add 1/2 tsp of ginger juice and 1 tsp honey. Drink this mixture to prevent vomiting.

Lime juice is an effective remedy for vomiting. Take a glass of chilled lime juice and sip slowly. To prevent vomiting, drink ginger tea.

In 1 glass water, add some honey and drink sip by sip.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Woman Accompanied Her Husband

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
Said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
Surely die".

1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
Him off to work in a good mood.

2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
Put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
To work.

3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
Burden him with household chores.

4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
His every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
Had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied.

Fun With Your Trial Antivirus Software

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

2010 world cup jersey

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Define Extreme Laziness

How do helicopters stay floating in the air?

How do helicopters stay floating in the air?
Essentially, helicopters stay up for the same reason airplanes move forward through the air. A rotating propeller creates changes in air pressure, lowering it in some areas and raising it in others. Combined with a specially curved wing, the effect is known as lift, and it’s what pulls an airplane forward or allows helicopters to lift off the ground vertically. Without some sort of rotary propeller system, neither aircraft would ever leave the ground.

There are two basic types of aircraft, fixed-wing and rotary-wing. A traditional airplane would be considered a fixed-wing aircraft, because the wings are in a rigid position behind or over the propellers. Helicopters, on the other hand, are rotary-wing aircraft, because the wing-shaped rotor blades spin in a circle above the aircraft's body. The individual blades of a helicopter's rotor are adjustable during flight, while a fixed-wing aircraft's wings have very few moving parts.

The reason why helicopters stay up in the air is because the individual rotary blades are shaped like airplane wings. Once the spinning rotor assembly has reached a certain speed, the curved blades chop up the air around them, creating lower pressure above the blade and higher pressure below. This action creates a pushing or lifting force from below. The pilot uses hand and foot controls to change the angle of attack on each blade as they spin. This angle affects whether the helicopter will rise, descend, turn, or even hover.

When the blades are held level, the helicopter may remain in place or lift slightly. If the pilot lowers the back of the blades, the resulting change in lift will send the helicopter upwards; much like a kite will fly higher when angled against the wind. If the pilot raises the back edge of the blades, the helicopter will descend. By varying the position of each rotary blade, the helicopter will move to the left or right. As long as the rotor is spinning at a sufficient speed, a helicopter should remain in the air.

One major problem helicopter pilot’s face is the tendency of the helicopter to turn in the opposite direction of the rotary blades. A second rotary propeller placed in the rear of the helicopter helps to counteract this natural tendency by pushing against the spin. This second rotor also helps stabilize the helicopter during a difficult hovering maneuver. Without the aid of a rear rotor blade, helicopters would routinely spin out of control and crash.
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