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Monday, February 21, 2011

The Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our WORK telephones

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Which job is right for you?

1) Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an Open window.

2) Then send 2 or 3 candidates in The room and close the door.

3) Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

The Result & Solution

If they are counting the Bricks
Put them in the accounts Department

If they are recounting them
Put them in auditing

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
Put them in engineering

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order
Put them in planning

If they are throwing the bricks at each other
Put them in operations

If they are sleeping
Put them in security

If they have broken the bricks into pieces
Put them in information Technology

If they are sitting idle
Put them in human resources

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved
Put them in sales

If they have already left for the day
Put them in marketing

If they are staring out of the Window
Put them on strategic Planning

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved

Congratulate them and put them in Top Management

hehehehe

Monday, February 14, 2011

2 kali seminggu

Sepasang pengantin baru mengalami gangguan kesihatan. Setelah diperiksa
dengan teliti, doktor memberitahu perkara itu disebabkan oleh hubungan seks
yang terlalu kerap.

"Untuk sementara waktu ini, anda berdua dinasihatkan supaya menghadkan
kegiatan seks. Sebaiknya dua kali saja seminggu sahaja. Untuk memudahkan
mengingat, saya sarankan untuk melakukan hubungan ini hanya pada hari yang
bermula dengan huruf S, iaitu Selasa dan Sabtu," saran doktor.

Akan tetapi pada malam ketiga berpuasa dari membuat hubungan itu, sisuami
tidak dapat lagi menahan nafsunya lalu mencumbui isterinya yang sedang
tidur sehingga isterinya terjaga.

"Hari ini hari apa bang?" tanya si isteri.

"Sumaat"

"Sedang eloklah tu bang..." jawab isterinya..

Thursday, February 10, 2011

INTERNET PARKING NOTICE

*INTERNET PARKING NOTICE*

Offender : You!

Date: Today

Time: 3:00 a.m.

Offence # : in front of the computer TOO LONG!

Details of Offence : During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the Internet Police, have discovered that you have been on your chair in front of the computer TOO LONG!

You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans, wrappers and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you - sit up straight!) and after you have logged into the real world for a minimum of ten minutes you may log back on to the Internet. Failure to comply may result in loss of reality, carpal tunnel syndrome, and the requirement of a larger chair.

The timer starts NOW!

Get off your butt - you'll thank us for it later. * * *

Monday, February 7, 2011

Menguap

pade suatu ari..amin ternampak kawannye,samad,tgh menguap sambil mengigit....dia berasa hairan dan bertanya kepada samad



ami:apsal ko menguap sambil mengigit??

samad:ustad kate kalau menguap x tutup mulut syaitan masuk kan...

amin:yeee..habis nape ko mengigit??

samad:ye la..mesti syaitan x leh masuk sebab aku gigit die..hehehe

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The story about 'subsidy'

A man called Maha owns a farm which can produce 10 apples every day. He has 5 workers to operate the farm. Each of them eats 1 apple daily and it is enough to keep them operating the farm normally.

The remaining 4 apples, the landlord sells them at RM10 each and he earns RM40.

He uses the RM25 to improve the farm operation and facilities.

He gives RM2.00 to each of his workers and he keeps the remaining RM5.00 as profit.

Day by day, the farm is well developed and all of the 5 workers are happy with the money they can save.

When Maha passed away, a new landlord, Abdul, comes to continue the farm operation.

He says to the workers: 'We need to improve the farm quality and redefine our way of thinking. From now on all of you only need to pay RM1.00 for each apple you eat. It is very cheap as the price is RM10 each outside the farm.'

The workers have no choice but to pay RM1.00 for the apple they eat daily. Their earnings decrease from RM2.00 to RM1.00 per person.

As usual, Abdul sells the 4 apples and he gets RM40. He uses RM25 for farm improvement and pays RM10 to his 5 workers. He gets RM5.00 as profit. On top of that, he gets another RM5.00 from the apples that he sells to his workers. In total, he gets RM10 as profit every day.



Now ... soon, the apple price increases to RM20 each.

The new landlord gets a higher profit as he gets RM80 for the 4 apples he sells daily.

Then, he decides to give the farming improvement contract to one of his close friend, Samy.

Samy says: 'Apple cost naik, improvement cost also misti naik.'

So, the farm improvement cost increases from RM25 to RM50. In actual fact, the improvement only cost RM30. The remaining RM20, Abdul and Samy share evenly between themselves.

Let's calculate how much Abdul gets daily:

RM10 (from farm improvement cost)

RM20 (Net profit by selling 4 apples: [Gross profit, RM80] - [Improvement cost, RM50] - [Wages RM10] = RM20)

RM5 (from selling apples to his workers)

In total, Abdul gets RM35 daily compare to RM10 initially when he took over the farm from Maha. His profit increases RM25 and the workers are still getting RM1.00 daily per person.



The greedy Abdul does not want to stop there :

One day, he says to his fellow workers: 'You see ah, the current market price for one apple is RM20 and you are only paying RM1.

See how lucky you are! I have to SUBSIDISE RM19.00 for each of the apple you buy. In total, I need to SUBSIDISE RM95.00 for the apples you buy.

This will greatly burden the farm and we might go bankrupt if we continue like this.

In order to avoid bankruptcy, I need to increase the apple price that you buy from RM1.00 to RM1.50 and I will bear the remaining RM18.50 per apple as my subsidy to you all. '

So, greedy Abdul adds another RM2.50 to his current profit and the number becomes RM37.50.

After you have read the story, I am sure you have already understood the meaning of 'SUBSIDY' given by the government.

The RM95 subsidy never existed in the first place and so was the RM52 billion fuel subsidy generously 'given' by the government

Cutting fuel subsidy is actually just a reason to steal money from your own pocket ..

Greed knows NO bounds .... ! ! !

_

Now you know about aubsidy ! . . ..

Please pass on to your other friends who you think might be receiving subsidy. .................................!
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