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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

You Know You're Rich When…

The Funniest Police Blotters

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Arab student sends an e-mail

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:



Dear Dad,



Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.


Your Son
Nasser

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:


Loving son,



Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.



Your Dad

Amazing Evolution of The 21st Century

The pro & cons evolution of the 21st century:

Cons
====
Our labour - Effortless

Our relations - Fruitless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Worthless

Our mistakes - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our youth - Jobless

Our ladies - Topless

Our boss - Brainless

Our jobs - Thankless

Our needs - Endless

Our situation - Hopeless

Our salaries - Less and less

Pro
===
Our communication - Wireless

Our phones - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our food - Fatless

Our Sweets - Sugarless

Monday, June 28, 2010

Such a big catch - a dream of every fisherman

How To Gain An Extra Vacation Day (or Two)

I urgently needed a few days off work but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'crazy', then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of Sam Hill are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her, 'And where do you think you're going?!'

To which she replied:

'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Wat our boss want of us?

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Bet

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was now on. The news
Crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money; I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again!"

Bob took the money.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dating Etiquette

A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.

He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: “Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced His family…”

Granny fainted….

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

Believe It or Not !

Obama's Presidential Car

Friday, June 18, 2010

IDIOTS OF THE WORLD UNITE


HONEY I FIXED IT 2

When camera fails, or people?

Astonishing Facts

1) Longest English Word:

Praetertranssubstan tiationalistical ly has 37 letters.


2) Book Without Letter "e":

GADFY, written by Earnest Wright in 1939 is a 50,000+ word book, which doesn't contain a single word with 'e' in it


3) Word without Vowel:


Rhythm

Sky

Fry

Cry


4) Human Brain:

Organ of body which has no sensation when cut.


5) Crocodile:

Only animal & reptile which sheds tear while eating.


6) No of Alphabets, which SOUND AS WORDS:

They are


** **B* Bee *
** **C* Sea*
** **G* Zee*
** **I* Eye *
** **Q* Queue*
** **R* Are *
** **S* Yes *
** **T* Tea* **
** **U* You *
** **Y* Why



***********


Fascinating Animals, Birds, Trees:



1) SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.

2) A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.

3) DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.

4) A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.

5) The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.

6) The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.

7) DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.

8) CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.

9) The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.

10) OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.

11) POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.

12) KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.

13) ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.

14) OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.



***********


What are They :



1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say DADDY': LIPS


2) What goes up & never comes down : AGE


3) Patches over patches but no stitches: CABBAGE


4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you : FUTURE


5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves : ROAD


6) You can never wet it: SHADOW


7) What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do : YOUR NAME



***********


In 24 Hours Average Human:



1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.

2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.

3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.

4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches

5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches

6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids)

7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.

8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.

9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.

10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.

11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.

12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times

Windows Run Commands

Wanted to Browse fast in windows. Remember these commands.
This will really save a lot of time of your. There are many
Commands which you might have never seen or never knew.
There are certain properties of windows which you hardly know
Exist in windows. Here is a list of 112 run commands.

Accessibility Controls---- --- access.cpl
Add Hardware Wizard------ - hdwwiz.cpl
Add/Remove Programs---- --- appwiz.cpl
Administrative Tools------- control admintools
Automatic Updates----- -- wuaucpl.cpl
Bluetooth Transfer Wizard------ - fsquirt
Calculator-- ----- calc
Certificate Manager certmgr.msc
Character Map charmap
Check Disk Utility----- -- chkdsk
Clipboard Viewer------ - clipbrd
Command Prompt------ - cmd
Component Services---- --- dcomcnfg
Computer Management-- ----- compmgmt.msc
Timedate.cpl- ------ ddeshare
Device Manager----- -- devmgmt.msc
Direct X Control Panel (If Installed)*- ------ directx.cpl
Direct X Troubleshooter- ------ dxdiag
Disk Cleanup Utility----- -- cleanmgr
Disk Defragment-- ----- dfrg.msc
Disk Management-- ----- diskmgmt.msc
Disk Partition Manager----- -- diskpart
Display Properties-- ----- control desktop
Display Properties-- ----- desk.cpl
Display Properties (w/Appearance Tab Preselected) ------- control color
Dr. Watson System Troubleshooting Utility----- -- drwtsn32
Driver Verifier Utility----- -- verifier
Event Viewer------ - eventvwr.msc
File Signature Verification Tool------- sigverif
Findfast---- --- findfast.cpl
Folders Properties-- ----- control folders
Fonts------- control fonts
Fonts Folder------ - fonts
Free Cell Card Game------- freecell
Game Controllers- ------ joy.cpl
Group Policy Editor (XP Prof)------- gpedit.msc
Hearts Card Game------- mshearts
Iexpress Wizard------ - iexpress
Indexing Service----- -- ciadv.msc
Internet Properties-- ----- inetcpl.cpl
IP Configuration (Display Connection Configuration) ------- ipconfig /all
IP Configuration (Display DNS Cache Contents)--- ---- ipconfig /displaydns
IP Configuration (Delete DNS Cache Contents)--- ---- ipconfig /flushdns
IP Configuration (Release All Connections) ------- ipconfig /release
IP Configuration (Renew All Connections) ------- ipconfig /renew
IP Configuration (Refreshes DHCP & Re-Registers DNS)------- ipconfig /registerdns
IP Configuration (Display DHCP Class ID)------- ipconfig /showclassid
IP Configuration (Modifies DHCP Class ID)------- ipconfig /setclassid
Java Control Panel (If Installed) jpicpl32.cpl
Java Control Panel (If Installed)-- ----- javaws
Keyboard Properties-- ----- control keyboard
Local Security Settings---- --- secpol.msc
Local Users and Groups------ - lusrmgr.msc
Logs You Out Of Windows----- -- logoff
Microsoft Chat------- winchat
Minesweeper Game------- winmine
Mouse Properties-- ----- control mouse
Mouse Properties-- ----- main.cpl
Network Connections- ------ control netconnections
Network Connections- ------ ncpa.cpl
Network Setup Wizard------ - netsetup.cpl
Notepad----- -- notepad
Nview Desktop Manager (If Installed)-- ----- nvtuicpl.cpl
Object Packager---- --- packager
ODBC Data Source Administrator- ------ odbccp32.cpl
On Screen Keyboard---- --- osk
Opens AC3 Filter (If Installed)-- ----- ac3filter.cpl
Password Properties-- ----- password.cpl
Performance Monitor----- - perfmon.msc
Performance Monitor----- -- perfmon
Phone and Modem Options----- -- telephon.cpl
Power Configuration- ------ powercfg.cpl
Printers and Faxes------- control printers
Printers Folder------ - printers
Private Character Editor------ - eudcedit
Quicktime (If Installed)-- ----- QuickTime.cpl
Regional Settings---- --- intl.cpl
Registry Editor------ - regedit
Registry Editor------ - regedit32
Remote Desktop----- -- mstsc
Removable Storage----- -- ntmsmgr.msc
Removable Storage Operator Requests---- --- ntmsoprq.msc
Resultant Set of Policy (XP Prof)------- rsop.msc
Scanners and Cameras----- -- sticpl.cpl
Scheduled Tasks------- control schedtasks
Security Center------ - wscui.cpl
Services---- --- services.msc
Shared Folders----- -- fsmgmt.msc
Shuts Down Windows----- -- shutdown
Sounds and Audio------- mmsys.cpl
Spider Solitare Card Game------- spider
SQL Client Configuration- ------ cliconfg
System Configuration Editor------ - sysedit
System Configuration Utility----- -- msconfig
System File Checker Utility (Scan Immediately) ------- sfc /scannow
System File Checker Utility (Scan Once At Next Boot)------- sfc /scanonce
System File Checker Utility (Scan On Every Boot)------- sfc /scanboot
System File Checker Utility (Return to Default Setting)---- --- sfc /revert
System File Checker Utility (Purge File Cache)------ - sfc /purgecache
System File Checker Utility (Set Cache Size to size x)------- sfc /cachesize=x
System Properties-- ----- sysdm.cpl
Task Manager----- -- taskmgr
Telnet Client------ - telnet
User Account Management-- ----- nusrmgr.cpl
Utility Manager----- -- utilman
Windows Firewall---- --- firewall.cpl
Windows Magnifier--- ---- magnify
Windows Management Infrastructure- ------ wmimgmt.msc
Accessibility Controls --------- access.cpl
Accessibility Wizard --------- accwiz
Add Hardware Wizard --------- hdwwiz.cpl
Add/Remove Programs --------- appwiz.cpl
Administrative Tools --------- control admintools
Adobe Acrobat (if installed) --------- acrobat
Adobe Designer (if installed) --------- acrodist
Adobe Distiller (if installed) --------- acrodist
Adobe ImageReady (if installed) --------- imageready
Adobe Photoshop (if installed) --------- Photoshop
Automatic Updates --------- wuaucpl.cpl
Bluetooth Transfer Wizard --------- fsquirt
Calculator --------- calc
Certificate Manager --------- certmgr.msc
Character Map --------- Charmap
Check Disk Utility --------- chkdsk
Clipboard Viewer --------- clipbrd
Command Prompt --------- cmd
Component Services --------- dcomcnfg
Computer Management --------- compmgmt.msc
Control Panel --------- control
Date and Time Properties --------- timedate.cpl
DDE Shares --------- ddeshare
Device Manager --------- devmgmt.msc
Direct X Control Panel (If Installed)* --------- directx.cpl
Direct X Troubleshooter --------- dxdiag
Disk Cleanup Utility --------- cleanmgr
Disk Defragment ------- dfrg.msc
Disk Management -------- diskmgmt.msc
Disk Partition Manager --------- diskpart
Display Properties ----------- control desktop
Display Properties ----------Desk. cpl
Display Properties (w/Appearance Tab Preselected) --------- control color
Dr. Watson System Troubleshooting Utility ------------ drwtsn32
Driver Verifier Utility ------------ verifier
Minesweeper Game -------- winmine
Mouse Properties --------- control mouse
Mouse Properties ---------- main.cpl
Nero (if installed) --------- nero
Netmeeting ------------ - conf
Network Connections ---------- control netconnections
Network Connections --------- ncpa.cpl
Network Setup Wizard ---------- netsetup.cpl
Notepad --------- notepad
Nview Desktop Manager (If Installed) ------- nvtuicpl.cpl
Object Packager ---------- packager
ODBC Data Source Administrator ------ odbccp32.cpl
On Screen Keyboard --------- osk
Opens AC3 Filter (If Installed) --------- ac3filter.cpl
Outlook Express ------------ - msimn
Paint ------------ pbrush
Password Properties -------- password.cpl
Performance Monitor ------- perfmon.msc
Performance Monitor --------- perfmon
Phone and Modem Options ------- telephon.cpl
Phone Dialer --------- dialer
Pinball Game ------------ --- pinball
Power Configuration --------- powercfg.cpl
Printers and Faxes ------- control printers
Printers Folder --------- printers
Private Character Editor --------- eudcedit
Quicktime (If Installed) --------- QuickTime.cpl
Quicktime Player (if installed) ------------ - quicktimeplayer
Real Player (if installed) ------------ - realplay
Regional Settings ----------- intl.cpl
Registry Editor --------- regedit
Registry Editor -------- regedit32
Remote Access Phonebook -------- rasphone
Remote Desktop --------- mstsc
Removable Storage --------- ntmsmgr.msc
Removable Storage Operator Requests --------- ntmsoprq.msc
Resultant Set of Policy (XP Prof) ---------- rsop.msc
Scanners and Cameras ------------ sticpl.cpl
Scheduled Tasks ----------- control schedtasks
Security Center ----------- wscui.cpl
Services ------------ -- services.msc
Shared Folders ----------- fsmgmt.msc
Shuts Down Windows ------- shutdown
Sounds and Audio ------------ mmsys.cpl
Spider Solitare Card Game -------- spider
SQL Client Configuration --------- cliconfg
System Configuration Editor --------- sysedit
System Configuration Utility --------- msconfig
System File Checker Utility (Scan Immediately) ---------- sfc /scannow
System File Checker Utility (Scan Once At Next Boot) ---------- sfc /scanonce
System File Checker Utility (Scan On Every Boot) ------------ -- sfc /scanboot
System File Checker Utility (Return to Default Setting) ----------- sfc /revert
System File Checker Utility (Purge File Cache) ------------ sfc /purgecache
System File Checker Utility (Set Cache Size to size x) ------------ sfc /cachesize=x
System Information ----------- msinfo32
System Properties --------- sysdm.cpl
Task Manager ------------ taskmgr
TCP Tester ------------ tcptest
Telnet Client --------- telnet
Tweak UI (if installed) ------------ tweakui
User Account Management ------------ nusrmgr.cpl
Utility Manager --------- utilman
Windows Address Book --------- wab
Windows Address Book Import Utility ----------- wabmig
Windows Backup Utility (if installed) ------------ ntbackup
Windows Explorer ------------ - explorer
Windows Firewall ---------- firewall.cpl
Windows Magnifier ------------ - magnify
Windows Management Infrastructure ----------- wmimgmt.msc
Windows Media Player ----------- wmplayer
Windows Messenger ------------ msmsgs
Windows Picture Import Wizard (need camera connected) --------- wiaacmgr
Windows System Security Tool ------- syskey
Windows Update Launches ------------ -- wupdmgr
Windows Version (to show which version of windows) --------- winver
Windows XP Tour Wizard ------------ - tourstart
Event Viewer ----------- eventvwr.msc
Files and Settings Transfer Tool ---------- migwiz
File Signature Verification Tool -------- sigverif
Findfast ---------- findfast.cpl
Firefox (if installed) -------- firefox
Folders Properties ---------- control folders
Fonts ---------- control fonts
Fonts Folder ------------ fonts
Free Cell Card Game ------- freecell
Game Controllers --------- joy.cpl
Group Policy Editor (XP Prof) --------- gpedit.msc
Hearts Card Game ----------- mshearts
Help and Support ------- helpctr
HyperTerminal ----------- hypertrm
Iexpress Wizard ---------- iexpress
Indexing Service ---------- ciadv.msc
Internet Connection Wizard -------- icwconn1
Internet Explorer ---------- iexplore
Internet Properties --------- inetcpl.cpl
Internet Setup Wizard ------- inetwiz
Java Control Panel (If Installed) --------- jpicpl32.cpl
Java Control Panel (If Installed) --------- javaws
Keyboard Properties ----------- control keyboard
Local Security Settings --------- secpol.msc
Local Users and Groups ------------ - lusrmgr.msc
Logs You Out Of Windows ---------- logoff
Malicious Software Removal Tool ----------- mrt
Microsoft Access (if installed) ------------ - access.cpl
Microsoft Chat ------------ - winchat
Microsoft Excel (if installed) ----------- excel
Microsoft Frontpage (if installed) ----------- frontpg
Microsoft Movie Maker ----------- moviemk
Microsoft Paint ------------ mspaint
Microsoft Powerpoint (if installed) --------- powerpnt
Microsoft Word (if installed) ---------- winword
Microsoft Syncronization Tool ---------- mobsync

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

When Smoking Was Cool


P/S : ROKOK MEMBAHAYAKAN KESIHATAN ANDA
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