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Friday, July 31, 2009

Funny Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGORADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
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Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promise
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The top 10 languages spoken in the world

10. French -- Number of speakers: 129 million
Often called the most romantic language in the world, French is spoken in tons of countries, including Belgium, Canada, Rwanda, Cameroon, and Haiti. Oh, and France too. We're actually very lucky that French is so popular, because without it, we might have been stuck with Dutch Toast, Dutch Fries, and Dutch kissing (ew!).
To say "hello" in French, say "Bonjour" (bone-JOOR).


9. Malay—Indonesian Number of speakers: 159 million
Malay-Indonesian is spoken - surprise - in Malaysia and Indonesia. Actually, we kinda fudged the numbers on this one because there are many dialects of Malay, the most popular of which is Indonesian. But they're all pretty much based on the same root language, which makes it the ninth most-spoken in the world.Indonesia is a fascinating place; a nation made up of over 13,000 islands it is the sixth most populated country in the world. Malaysia borders on two of the larger parts of Indonesia (including the island of Borneo), and is mostly known for its capital city of Kuala Lumpur.
To say "hello" in Indonesian, say "Selamat pagi" (se-LA-maht PA-gee).


8. Portuguese -- Number of speakers: 191 million
Think of Portuguese as the little language that could. In the 12th Century, Portugal won its independence from Spain and expanded all over the world with the help of its famous explorers like Vasco da Gama and Prince Henry the Navigator. (Good thing Henry became a navigator . . . could you imagine if a guy named "Prince Henry the Navigator" became a florist?) Because Portugal got in so early on the exploring game, the language established itself all over the world, especially in Brazil (where it's the national language), Macau, Angola, Venezuela, and Mozambique.
To say "hello" in Portuguese, say "Bom dia" (bohn DEE-ah).


7. Bengali -- Number of speakers: 211 million
In Bangladesh, a country of 120+ million people, just about everybody speaks Bengali. And because Bangladesh is virtually surrounded by India (where the population is growing so fast, just breathing the air can get you pregnant), the number of Bengali speakers in the world is much higher than most people would expect.
To say "hello" in Bengali, say "Ei Je" (EYE-jay).


6. Arabic -- Number of speakers: 246 million
Arabic, one of the world's oldest languages, is spoken in the Middle East, with speakers found in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Egypt. Furthermore, because Arabic is the language of the Koran, millions of Moslems in other countries speak Arabic as well. So many people have a working knowledge of Arabic, in fact, that in 1974 it was made the sixth official language of the United Nations.
To say "hello" in Arabic, say "Al salaam a'alaykum" (Ahl sah-LAHM ah ah-LAY-koom) .


5. Russian -- Number of speakers: 277 million
Mikhail Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin, and Yakov Smirnoff are among the millions of Russian speakers out there. Sure, we used to think of them as our Commie enemies. Now we think of them as our Commie friends. One of the six languages in the UN, Russian is spoken not only in the Mother Country, but also in Belarus, Kazakhstan, and the U.S. (to name just a few places).
To say "hello" in Russian, say "Zdravstvuite" (ZDRAST-vet- yah).


4. Spanish -- Number of speakers: 392 million
Aside from all of those kids who take it in high school, Spanish is spoken in just about every South American and Central American country, not to mention Spain, Cuba, and the U.S. There is a particular interest in Spanish in the U.S., as many English words are borrowed from the language, including: tornado, bonanza, patio, quesadilla, enchilada, and taco grande supreme.
To say "hello" in Spanish, say "Hola" (OH-la).


3. Hindustani -- Number of speakers: 497 million
Hindustani is the primary language of India's crowded population, and it encompasses a huge number of dialects (of which the most commonly spoken is Hindi). While many predict that the population of India will soon surpass that of China, the prominence of English in India prevents Hindustani from surpassing the most popular language in the world. If you're interested in learning a little Hindi, there's a very easy way: rent an Indian movie. The film industry in India is the most prolific in the world, making thousands of action/romance/ musicals every year.
To say "hello" in Hindustani, say "Namaste" (Nah-MAH-stay) .


2. English -- Number of speakers: 508 million
While English doesn't have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada. We'd tell you more about English, but you probably feel pretty comfortable with the language already. Let's just move on to the most popular language in the world.
To say "hello" in English, say "What's up, freak?" (watz-UP-freek) .


1. Mandarin -- Number of speakers: 1 billion+
Surprise, surprise, the most widely spoken language on the planet is based in the most populated country on the planet, China. Beating second-place English by a 2 to 1 ratio, but don't let that lull you into thinking that Mandarin is easy to learn.. Speaking Mandarin can be really tough, because each word can be pronounced in four ways (or "tones"), and a beginner will invariably have trouble distinguishing one tone from another. But if over a billion people could do it, so could you. Try saying hello!
To say "hello" in Mandarin, say "Ni hao" (Nee HaOW). ("Hao" is pronounced as one syllable, but the tone requires that you let your voice drop midway, and then raise it again at the end.)

Your Laptop Batteries

One of the nicest features of laptops is the fact that they can run on batteries. That way laptops can be transported anywhere and we can work in front of them even if there is no electricity outlet nearby. Batteries are very convenient, but they might run out quite fast in some circumstances. Here are some tricks that will help you improve the life of your notebook battery:

• Do not use your laptop while charging the batteries.

• Once per month allow your battery to completely discharge and then start recharging it again. Keeping it charged constantly when it is not discharged completely will diminish its capacity.

• Watch the room temperature in which your notebook is stored. Do not leave it in a car on a sunny day for extended periods of time.

Surat rasmi - Cara minta kawin lagi

Suami bin Lelaki
17, Jalan Angkasa ,
24300, Kemaman
Terengganu ..

Isteri binti Perempuan
17, Jalan Angkasa ,
24300, Kemaman
Terengganu .

31 April 2006

Puan,


PERKARA : PERMOHONAN UNTUK BERPOLIGAMI

Perkara di atas adalah di rujuk.

2. Sebab utama permohonan ini di lakukan adalah kerana saya ingin melengkapkan kuota yang telah di peruntukkan bagi saya . Buat masa ini kuota yang telah di isi cuma satu , memandangkan masih ada 3 kekosongan , eloklah jika dapat dipenuhi secepat mung kin . Pihak yang akan mengisi satu kekosongan ini buat masa ini ialah Cik Hana Fazura binti Ramli yang merupakan setiausaha saya di pejabat . Memandangkan komitmen yang beliau tunjukkan di pejabat amat baik , eloklah jika kita masukkan dia bersama kita di dalam organisasi keluarga kita . Kekosongan yang selebihnya akan diisi di masa akan datang.

3. Untuk makluman pihak puan , yang sebenarnya masalah ini telah lama saya fikirkan tetapi memandangkan poket saya yang selalu nipis , terpaksalah saya tangguhkan dulu permohonan ini di samping kurangnye rasa keyakin an untuk mengemukakan permohonan ini . Kini, setelah saya dapat mengeluarkan kesemua duit pelaburan ASB saya , saya merasakan kembalinya semangat saya yang telah hilang selama ini.

4. Permohonan ini amat setimpal kerana dengan kedudukan sekarang ia menguntungkan kedua belah pihak dan juga pihak ketiga . Selama ini hidup kita bahagia sebab jika tidak , manakan mung kin puan dapat menjadi seperti sekarang . Semua yang puan miliki sudah bertambah besar. Kereta besar , rumah besar , rantai besar dan pakaian besar . Jika dulu potongan puan seperti gitar, kini sudah bertukar menjadi drum. Oleh itu, sudilah kiranya dapat kita kongsi bersama insan lain kebahagiaan kita ini.

5. Pihak puan juga dapat menikmati faedah dari kelulusan permohonan ini kerana puan akan tetap menikmati apa yang telah puan miliki sekarang dengan waktu bekerja lebih singkat dan sistem syif akan di perkenalkan iaitu 1 hari kerja dan 1 hari cuti rehat . Waktu bekerja yang selebihnya akan ditampung oleh pihak ketiga. Kebaikan yang puan akan nikmati ialah waktu rehat yang bebas kerana dalam waktu puan bercuti, saya selaku Penyelia tidak akan memantau aktiviti yang puan lakukan . Pada waktu itu saya cuma akan fokus kepada hasil kerja pihak ketiga . Menguntungkan bukan?

6. Segala kerjasama dari pihak puan saya dahulukan dengan ribuan terima kasih. Saya amat berharap pihak puan dapat meluluskan permohonan saya ini kerana adalah lebih baik jika kita dapat berkongsi kebahagiaan kita ini bersama insan lain. Saya harap permohonan saya ini di balas dengan senyuman penuh keikhlasan dari pihak puan dan tandatangan puan di atas kertas yang saya lampirkan bukannya balingan periuk nasi , pinggan-mangkuk , ketukan senduk dan perkara-perkara yang menyukarkan pihak puan untuk melakukannya.

7. Saya harap puan sudi meluluskan permohonan ini . Hadirkanlah senyumanmu sebagaimana ketika kita menyambut orang baru iaitu bayi kita kedalam keluarga kita 10 tahun lepas ..... Situasinya lebih kurang sama dengan masa kini . Kita akan menerima orang baru juga cuma bezanya ialah jika 10 tahun yang lepas kita perlu menjaga dan membelainya dengan manja bersama tetapi kali ini, setiap urusan penjagaan dan belaian manja akan di laksanakan oleh saya sepenuhnya.

8. Akhir kata , saya harap permohonan saya ini dapat dibalas secepat mungkin. Semoga kita bersama-bersama dengan pihak ketiga akan dapat melaksanakan program ini dengan jayanya.

Sekian , Terima Kasih.

"BERKORBAN DAN BERKONGSI KEBAHAGIAAN LAMBANG RUMAHTANGGA BAHAGIA"

Yang Ikhlas Memohon ,

Suami bin Lelaki

Duda bertemu janda

Di sebuah perkampungan ada seorang duda yang sudah berumur tinggal seorg dirumah nya..anak2nye sume bekerja di bandar... Berdekatan rumah nya itu ada seorang janda yang juga agak berumur dan juga tinggal seorg... Sudah bertahun lama nya mereka berjiran dan sering juga berhubung kala kesunyian... .Suatu hari..di petang yang redup... si duda duduk di bawah pokok rambai..merenung ke arah rumah si janda... Si janda perasan dan datang menegur si duda... "Pak Uda oii..ape yang di menungkan nye tu... "... Si duda menunduk seketika..lalu menjawab "..Ada perkara aku nk bgtu ko ni Mak Jan.."... Berkerut dahi si janda... kerana kelihatan serius pulak si duda tu...

"ape nyer ..serius je bunyi nyer.." ... Si duda merenung si janda... lalu dengan kekuatan yang ade die berkata... "Aku ni kepingin nk berbinikan ko... ko sudi tk?.."... Si janda tersenyum..dan diam seketika ..lalu si janda menjawab "Erm... sudi... "... Setelah berborak seketika... si janda dan duda pun pulang kerumah masing2 kerana hari sudah menjelang senja...

Pada malam itu..si duda gelisah... dia tidak ingat jawapan yand diberikan si janda petang tadi..adakah dia sudi atau tak... yelah dah tue... memori pendek sket... Setelah berfikir sejenak... si duda tidak jugak mendapat jawapan... lalu terpksalah die bertanya sekali lagi kepada si janda... Si duda mendail no telepon si janda..nk dtg umah tk molek plk dah malam2 cmni...

"Helo... mak jan..pak uda di sini... aku ingin bertnya... almaklum dah tua mudah lupa... ptg tdi aku bertnya pada ko sudikah ko berkahwin dengan aku..apakah yang ko jawab.."... Mendengar suara si duda..si janda pun berkata "Aku jawab aku sudi..ikhlas dari hati... selamat ko telepon aku ..Pak Uda... "... si duda pelik dengan kata2 si janda lalu bertnya... "Kenapa... "... Dan si janda menjawab.."Aku pun lupe spe yang ajak aku kawin ptg tadi"

Very Funny Flip Accidents

Pass Out People

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Funny Sports Moments



The New Ferrari - Tu Nero





Apple World

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Progression of information technology

Monday, July 27, 2009

Our Childhood

How did one survive growing up in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s ?
We had no seat belts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a ute was a treat…
Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours…
No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops…
Opening kitchen cupboards was a breeze… as safety locks were unheard off…
Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…
no safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…
When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…
We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bikes even when the brakes failed going downhill…
We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….
We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…
We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other….
How? no one knows…

Saturday, July 25, 2009

New World Order - H1N1



Friday, July 24, 2009

Color Picker - Innovation has no end



Designer Jinsun Park from Korea has come out with a simple tool called Color Picker. Place the pen against an object and press the scan button, the color will be detected by the color sensor and the RGB cartridges in the pen will mixed the required inks to create the target color.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Just For Laughs Gags - Please come back!

Just For Laughs - The Growing Box

Yesterday's Eclipse Photos





Mr. Bean

BRAIN TUMOR

Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!


DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:

Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend : condolence, my friend.


(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder



Friend : what now?
Mr. Bean : my sister just called, her mom died too!


MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean : 9


Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

Zorro, Robin Hood dan Orang Asli...

Pada satu ketika, ada satu pertandingan untuk orang ramai menunjukkan kehebatan masing masing menggunakan senjata. Ada 2 peserta yang dapat masuk akhir, Zorro ngan Robin Hood. Mereka berdua pun masuk dalam hutan untuk berjalan jalan sambil mencari idea untuk pertandingan mereka. Sedang berjalan jalan, mereka terjumpa seorang perempuan dari kaum orang asli yang sungguh cantik.

Mereka berdua sepakat untuk bertarung dan siapa yang menang akan dapat perempuan tersebut. Mereka pun memanggil perempuan tersebut dan meletakkan sebiji epal d iatas kepala perempuan itu. Memula Zorro nak mulakan pertandingan. Dia pun bergerak sejauh 50 meter dari perempuan itu dan membaling PEDANG nya kearah epal diatas kepala perempuan tu. Zuuupppp, terbelah dua epal tu. Perhgggg, dengan bangganye, si Zorro jerit... "I AM ZORRO... .."

Kemudian giliran Robin Hood plak. Dia mengambil jarak 100 meter. Kemudian menggunakan ANAK PANAH nye. Zuuupppp, terbelah dua epal yg baru diletak atas kepala perempuan asli tu. Dengan jobonye jugak... . si Robin Hood kata... "I AM ROBIN HOOD..."

Sedang mereka bertarung, lalu lah seorang penduduk lelaki orang asli disitu.

Dia merasa tercabar kerana dengan senang lenang nye pompuan kaum dia nak kena kawin ngan orang luar. So, atas rasa tanggungjawab, dia pun masuk pertandingan tu jugak. Dengan menggunakan sumpit dan jarak 150 meter, kini giliran orang asli tu plak. ZZZZUUUUUPPPPP... ... ... ... .!!!! PPRRAAPP.

Kena kepala pompuan tu dan mati. Dengan selamba orang asli tu kata...
"I AM SORRY... .!!"

The New English

For all of you English teachers. Hear is something for laughs

or shall we say lafs.


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.


As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.



In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.



By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil

sensibl riten styl.



Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey

vunted in ze forst plas.



If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl .

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Amazing basketball shots

Short jokes

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

3. Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

4. Importance of a period

Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? '
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '

6. Anger management?

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .'


thx to jovyn of lyn

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Peribahasa Melayu dalam bahasa PPSMI..

Peribahasa melayu yang ditranslate bagi yang kurang fasih berbahasa melayu...Huhuhuhu.

1) frog under coconut shell

2) monkey in the jungle in will milk, child at home died of starvation

3) let the child die, please do not custom perish

4) throw stone hide hand

5) already fell in befall ladder

6) harpoon two eyes

7) wife will love live will stay, child will honey will hand hand

8) banana fruit twice

9) sparrow equivalent hornbill which flaying with

10) dog barked hill

Monday, July 20, 2009

Effect Of Financial Crisis On company Logos









Linux vs Windows - Killer Tux

Friday, July 17, 2009

Advertisement's War

First Round : Nikon v/s Lumix

Nikon - Face focus "no matter ghost face, human face, Skeleton, peeper, I can find them all."


Lumix - I can find the face you even cannot see it.



Last Round : BMW v/s Audi v/s Subaru

This one is a really classic ads war, they are really awesome.

BMW started it

Audi answered.

Subaru wanted to say something.

Have you ever seen a frozen sea?




Thursday, July 16, 2009

The arrival of Mahdi, Dajjal & Planet X

Rain sound effect

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Amazing Roller Babies advert

Short Jokes

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Priya, 3 to Sonia and 2 to Neha then what will u get?

Kid: Three new girlfriends.




A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion’s mouth," the vet told him. Scared he asked, "How do I do that?" "Carefully," replied the vet




The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

Mr Jones: "I do." "Now what do you say to defend yourself?" "Your Honour, under those limitations... nothing."





A woman goes to a police station.

Woman: My husband went to the market yesterday to bring potatoes.

He has not returned home yet.

Inspector: Why don’t you cook something else then?






Two men visited a sports stadium.

First man: Why are all these people running?

Second man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

First man: If only the winner gets the cup, why are the other people running?





Anjali was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me." Her brother, busy with a computer game, said: "That’s not true, Anjali. Some people don’t even know you."





Diner: Could I have a glass of water?

Waiter: To drink?

Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things





Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."






Rahul: My sister made a chocolate cake for my birthday.

Kunal: Wow! How was it?

Rahul: The candles melted in the oven.






Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used to be up and out for his morning walk at 5 am.

Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.






Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage.

Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident






A man was going to a railway line to commit suicide. He was carrying a tiffin box with him.

Another man asked him why?

He replied: If the train gets late, will I remain hungry?

Brand Boss Babi

Monday, July 13, 2009

Kawad Motor

video

Sunday, July 12, 2009

China's copycars

just £30,000...



£250,000 Rolls-Royce Phantom

Math Class

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

How to Enable Tools -> Folder Options and Registry Editor in Windows

Many times Windows users face a common problem. The "Folder Options" in "Tools" menu is not visible. Even It can't be accessed from Control Panel. Also "Registry Editor" is disabled.

If you are also facing this problem, then you have come to right place. Follow the simple steps mentioned in this tutorial and your problem will be solved:

1. If Folder Options is disabled but Registry Editor is still working in your system, then you can enable Folder Options by editing Windows Registry. Type regedit in RUN dialog box and press Enter. it'll open Registry Editor, now go to following keys:

HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\Current Version\Policies\Explorer
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows\Current Version\Policies\Explorer

In right-side pane, check whether a DWORD value named NoFolderOptions exists or not? If it exists, delete it.

2. If you are not familiar with editing the registry, then you can simply download following file, extract it and then run the .REG file:

folder_options.zip

3. But sometimes Registry Editor is also disabled. Whenever you try to open regedit, Windows will show following error message:

Registry Editor has been disabled by administrator.

Its a symptom of “RONTOKBRO” Trojan. To remove this trojan, follow the instructions given in following topic:

Is Your System Infected with a Virus / Spyware / Adware / Trojan?

4. If its not a trojan problem and someone intentionally has disabled it in your system, then you can enable it again by following any of these methods:

a. Type gpedit.msc in RUN dialog box and goto:

User Configuration -> Administrative Templates -> System

in right-side pane, set "Prevent access to Registry editing tools" to either Not Configured or Disabled.

b. Just type following in RUN dialog box and press :

REG add HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System /v DisableRegistryTools /t REG_DWORD /d 0 /f

Now after enabling Registry Editor, you can re-enable Folder Options by following methods mentioned in 1st or 2nd steps.

source:www.askvg.com

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Offensive Quotes

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small...

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16... Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

Extra Marital affairs..

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Chicken a la Carte - A short film about the hunger and poverty brought about by Globalization

Friday, July 10, 2009

Some Lessons in life.........

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp.They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you
are three,I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want
to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and
he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to
be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."
Pfufffff, and he Was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office
after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST"*

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document,and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

*LESSON II - NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING.*


LESSON 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to
LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese
are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
....
Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What
kind of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am
I?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

*LESSON III - NEVER INSULT ANYONE

LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a
genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the
bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of
you a
wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
pool of Water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The
Frenchman was so Happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
Immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
Contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
shouted,
"SHIT!!!!!!!........."

*LESSON IV - THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.*

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who
was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the
brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants
to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's
going.
Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very
mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste
whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU
THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN
CHARGE.*

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Romantic 1st lines...and deadly 2nd ones

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

HOW TO GET A LIFE

It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones.

Difficulty Level: Hard
Time Required: Years

Here's How:


Let go of the mouse.

Turn off the computer.

Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.

Eat something other than taco chips.

Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.

Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.

Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible).

Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.

When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.

If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.

Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address.

Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name.

Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a chat room.

Swiss Badminton Trickshots

A stroller with a secret

video

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Cool laptop bags






creative fence



Bilik mayat

Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat di sebuah hospital untuk menyiasat punca
kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada
penjaga bilik berkenaan.

Polis: Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?

Penjaga: Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok. Lelaki kedua
pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.

Polis: Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?

Penjaga: Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya...

Why the boss fainted when see this form filled by interviewee

Application Form
================

Name: Ah Boy

Age: Still young

Sex: Never. Still under age

Religion: I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before

Race: I love to race, how you know?

Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo

IC Number: 6735

Telephone number: House no telephone

Hand phone number: 3310

Address: Penang Jelutong

City: Norhaliza?

Postcode: I never post anything

State: In my family, I am 2nd

Country: I love to travel to Canada

Marriage status: Secret

Email Address: Hotmail

Education Background: My teacher said not bad

Working experience: Last time got sell pirated VCD

Father's name: Daddy

Father's IC: You ask him

Mother's name: Mummy

Mother's IC: You ask her

Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood

Expected Salary: As much as you can pay

When can start work: Depends on my mood

Highest qualification: Ya, very high

Grade: Ya, very high

College/University: College

Signature: Can I use chop?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Just For Laughs "Drive Away"

Just For Laughs "Blind Waitress"

Just For Laughs "Difference"

Just For Laughs " The Forever Hat Woman"

The good ol' cement ball prank!

Super Clean Glass Prank

Water in the hole prank

Friday, July 3, 2009

Bravery: Guts vs Balls

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls.

But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the A*s and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

One Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Theories that'll win Nobel Prize

This theory will win the Physics Nobel Prize in 2009!

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Kelab Jamban Open

Bila JKR Mabuk

Helmet Murah

Rekod IV Paling Tinggi

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