Funny Sex Quotes

“My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.”
Les Dawson

 

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”
Steve Martin

 

“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
Woody Allen

 

“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.”
Joan Rivers

 

“My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”
Woody Allen

 

“What’s the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I’m home.”
Ken Hammond

 

“I know nothing about sex because I was always married.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.”
Brendan Francis

 

“Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.”
Woody Allen

 

“I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.”
Woody Allen

 

“I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.”
Phyllis Diller

 

“Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.”
Dave Letterman

 

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.”
Steve Jobs

 

“Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.”
Scott Roeben

 

“Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.”
Billy Crystal

 

“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!”
Drew Carey