Blind Date

marine sniper interview

breastfeeding.. it rocks.

it's dangerous outside of the kitchen

You just can't trust them

fat kids ruin everything

You Are Beautiful When...

Innovative and Creative Forks

Collection of the most unusual modern forks and innovative fork designs from all over the world.

Funny Sex Quotes

“My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.”
Les Dawson

 

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”
Steve Martin

 

“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
Woody Allen

 

“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.”
Joan Rivers

 

“My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”
Woody Allen

 

“What’s the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I’m home.”
Ken Hammond

 

“I know nothing about sex because I was always married.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.”
Brendan Francis

 

“Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.”
Woody Allen

 

“I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.”
Woody Allen

 

“I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.”
Phyllis Diller

 

“Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.”
Dave Letterman

 

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.”
Steve Jobs

 

“Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.”
Scott Roeben

 

“Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.”
Billy Crystal

 

“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!”
Drew Carey

Funny Recession T- Shirts

Loving Wife

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed.He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!

He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.'

The Ripple

A man was sitting by a lake. He was throwing small pebbles into it from time to time. A young boy happened to cross by. He was intrigued to see that after every few minutes or so, the man would toss a pebble into the lake.

The boy went up to the man and said, "Good pastime, this stone throwing, he?" "Hmmm," said the man. He seemed to be deep in thought and obviously did not wish to be disturbed.



Sometime later, the man said softly, "Look at the water, it is absolutely still."



The boy said, "Yeah, it is."

The man tossed a pebble into the water and continued, "Only till I toss a pebble into it now do you see the ripples?"

"Yeah," said the boy, "they spread further and further."



"And soon, the water is still again," offered the man.



The boy said, "Sure, it becomes quiet, after a while."



The man continued, "What if we want to stop the ripples? The root cause of the ripples is the stone. Lets take the stone out. Go ahead and look for it." The boy put his hand into the water and tried to take the stone out.

But he only succeeded in making more ripples. He was able to take the stone out, but the number of ripples that were made in the process were a lot more than before.



The wise man said, "It is not possible to stop the movement of the water once a pebble has been thrown into it. But if we can stop ourselves from throwing the pebble in the first place, the ripples can be avoided altogether! So too, it is with our minds. If a thought enters into it, it creates ripples. The only way to save the mind from getting disturbed is to block and ban the entry of every superfluous thought that could be a potential cause for disturbance. If a disturbance has entered into the mind, it will take its own time to die down. Too many conflicting thoughts just cause more and more disturbances. Once the disturbance has been caused it takes time to ebb out. Even trying to forcibly remove the thought may further increase the turmoil in the mind. Time surely is a great healer, but prevention is always better than cure."



Before you allow a thought or a piece of information to enter your mind, put it through the triple filter test of authenticity, goodness and value.

Terrific Tongue Twisters to Twist Your Tongue

1. If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!



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2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.



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3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.



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4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.



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6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?



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7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.



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8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"



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9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.



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10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES



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11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.



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12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?



"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"



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13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. Watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.



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14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.



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15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue



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16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.



17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

FACTS ABOUT FARTS

If Web Browsers Were Modes of Transportion

Salah cikgu math atau salah cikgu bahasa?

Source: blalang.com

Attitude

How to encourage a man to wash his hands!

AGING GRACEFULLY

Hati-hati Apa Yang Anda Doa

Oleh: Abu Naqibah

Minggu lepas saya sempat tonton sebahagian dari sebuah filem yang disiarkan di channel Vision Four. Tajuknya Interstate 60. Pelakon utamanya saya tak kenal tapi pelakon tambahannya ramai yang top2.

Salah satu babak yang saya ingat sangat, ialah di awal cerita yang membabitkan pelakon terkenal, Micheal J.Fox. Dalam babak tu, Micheal kelihatan seperti seorang businessman yang sibuk.

Ketika itu dia sedang bercakap2 di handphonenya di dalam kereta. Di belakangnya ada seorang lelaki sedang mengayuh basikal sambil menghisap pipe. Tiba2 Micheal buka pintu keretanya dan akibatnya lelaki tersebut terlanggar pintu tersebut dan tergolek. Tengah tergocoh2 & sibuk mintak maaf tuh, handphone Micheal terlepas dari tangan. Sampai je ke atas jalan, datang satu trailer lenyek handphone. Apa lagi, menyumpah seranah la dia.

Yela... Sebagai businessman, tentu handphone tu alat penting untuknya. Dalam keadaan marah, terkeluar dari mulut Micheal (lebih kurang la...) "Saya harap ini tak pernah terjadi". Rupa2nya lelaki yang bawa basikal tadi ada kuasa magik. Dia mampu ulang balik masa dan mereka kembali ke satu keadaan di mana Micheal masih dalam kereta dan lelaki tadi masih menunggang basikalnya.

Bila tiba hampir ke kereta Micheal, dia berhenti. Tiba2 Micheal keluar dari kereta. Kali ni lelaki tadi tak melanggar pintunya seperti sebelum ini. Jadi Micheal terus rancak berbual hinggalah tiba2 datang trailer dan melanggar Micheal J. Fox. Lelaki tadi, yang berada di belakang kereta Micheal & memerhatikan segalanya, bekata "Some people just don't know what to wish for" (Sesetengah orang tak tahu apa yang patut diminta).

Apa kesudahan filem ini saya tak tahu sebab saya tak menontonnya hingga selesai. Tapi saya cukup tertarik dengan perkataan lelaki yang berbasikal tu. Sesetengah orang tak tahu apa yang patut mereka minta.

Bukankah hampir kita semua begitu? Dalam filem tadi, Micheal mengharapkan kemalangan tu (basikal langgar pintu keretanya) tak berlaku supaya handphonenya terselamat. Tapi tanpa kemalangan itu, dia pula yang maut.

Ini satu telefilem fiksyen. Rekaan semata. Tapi perkara ni sebenarnya berlaku dalam kehidupan harian kita. Seringkali kita meminta perkara yang macam2 seolah2 itulah yang terbaik untuk kita.

Persoalannya, tahukah kita apa yang terbaik untuk kita? Kalau kita dilahirkan miskin, kita sering berdoa untuk menjadi kaya. Hendak mengubah kehidupan, kita kata. Tapi kita pastikah kekayaan itu yang terbaik untuk kita?

Atau kita dilahirkan pendek, atau terlalu tinggi, atau hitam atau berpenyakit. Tentunya kita mengharap2kan keajaiban untuk menjadi manusia yang sempurna atau sekurang2nya 'just nice'. Mungkin juga kita terbabit dalam kemalangan yang mengorbankan orang yang tersayang. Pasti tercalit dalam hati keinginan untuk mengembalikan masa itu supaya kemalangan itu dapat dielakkan dan nyawa orang kesayangan kita juga selamat.Kan ?

Persoalannya, adakah apa yang kita perolehi sekarang ini bukan yang terbaik? Adakah Allah itu zalim atau pilih kasih dengan memberi sesetengah orang nikmat manakala setengah lagih azab? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Adil? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Mengetahui? Bukankah Allah itu Maha Bijaksana? Jika begitu, mengapakah ada sesetengah dari kita yang bernasib malangmanakala sesetengah yang lain bernasib baik sepanjang hidup mereka?

Sebenarnya, kita adalah apa yang kita minta (we are what we wish for). Kadangkala tatkala kita berdoa, kita sendiri kurang faham dengan apa yang kita minta. Adaorang berdoa minta selamat. Akan tetapi Allah berikan dia dari sihat jatuh sakit. Dari kaya jatuh miskin. Dari jelita jadi huduh.
Bagaimana itu? Itu hanyalah sebagai ujian kesabarannya. Seandainya imannya tetap kuat, insyaAllah dia akan selamat di akhirat kelak. Selamat juga, bukan? Adakah Allah menolak permintaannya? Tidak!

Bahkan Allah meletakkannya ke tempat yang lebih tinggi. Begitu juga dengan keadaan saya baru2 ini. Hidup dikelilingi hutang lapuk.

Pening kepala nak bayar. Interest makin meningkat. Ibu mana yang tak kasihan lihat anaknya susah hati? Satu hari tu ibu saya beritahu saya yang dia tiap2 hari berdoa minta saya dapat banyak duit. Dia simpati dengan saya katanya.

Saya katakan kepadanya. Kalau banyak duit, tiap2 bulan saya dapat, Alhamdulillah. Saya katakan padanya kalau mahu berdoa untuk saya, berdoalah semoga hutang lapuk saya selesai. Saya beritahunya ketika sebelum Zuhur. Zuhur tu juga dia telah tukar doanya dan Alhamdulillah, petang itu juga saya nampak jalan penyelesaiannya. Doa ibu itu berkat. Sekarang, Alhamdulillah ringan rasanya beban di kepala saya. Maha Suci Allah...

Apabila Allah menentukan sesuatu ke atas kita, percayalah itu adalah yang terbaik. Hanya mata kita yang diseliputi dengan nafsu yang tidak dapat melihat kebaikan yang ada pada sesuatu kejadian.
Mengapa sukar bagi kita untuk redha kepada kejadian Allah? 'Grass is always greener on the other side'. Kan ? Kita sentiasa melihat apa yang ada pada orang lain itu lebih baik dari apa yang kita miliki.

Sedang Nabi saw telah menasihatkan agar kita melihat orang yang dibawah. Jangan melihat orang lebih tinggi kerana itu akan membuat kita tidak bersyukur. Dan itulah masalahnya pada diri kita. Kita sentiasa mengejar peluang yang lebih baik. Sentiasa mahukan yang lebih banyak. Saya sendiri mengalami perkara ini. Dan saya percaya ramai yang turut mengalaminya. Siapa yang taknak gaji besar, kan ?

Masa saya grad, ekonomi negara benar2 sedang menjunam. Saya ke hulu ke hilir mencari kerja. Akhirnya saya bekerja sebagai operator di kilang metal stamping. Gaji RM400 sebulan. Tiada OT. Tolak itu, tolak ini, dapatlah RM350. Hm... Cukup? Dah tentu tidak. Ketika itu saya hanya memiliki sebuah motor Yamaha 110SS hadiah ayah sempena dia dapat EPF. Isi minyak dengan makan dah habis. Ketika itu saya fikir, dapat gaji RM750 pun jadilah.

Kemudian saya bekerja sebagai Lab Technician. Betul2 saya dapat RM750. Cukup? Tak juga. Masa tu saya mula terfikir. Dapat gaji RM1500 pun dah cukup. Allah tunaikan lagi. Bekerja pula di petrochemical plant. Sebagai trainee, dapat la RM1500 sebulan. Ya Allah... tak cukup juga. Sebab masa tu saya dah beli kereta Iswara. Saya fikir, dapat RM2500 cukup la. Tapi bila dapat banyak tu, saya tukar kereta pula. Kesimpulannya tak cukup juga!

Memang takkan cukup. Nafsu itu adalah benda yang paling besar! Sekarang, ketika kawan2 saya berlumba masuk syarikat lain yang offer gaji 2 - 3 kali ganda, saya tetap di sini. Kalau ada yang bertanya kenapa saya tak ikut mereka, senang saya katakan. Saya selesa di sini. Kalau solat saya panjang, bos tak pernah marah. Sedang rakan2 saya di syarikat baru dibenarkan solat hanya dalam masa 5 minit sahaja.

Kini saya dah pandai mengatakan cukup. Cukuplah sebanyak ini yang Allah beri. Sekiranya diberi lebih, Alhamdulillah. Sekiranya semakin kurang, semoga Allah perkuatkan iman saya menghadapi dugaan mendatang. Yang penting bagi saya, apa yang saya perolehi ini halal dan diberkati. Pesan Nabi saw kepada Saiyidina Ali ra supaya jangan mengira2 rezeki untuk hari esok kerana Allah menurunkan rezeki pada tiap2 hari . Ini benar2 terkesan dalam hati saya.

Tapi bukan bererti kita tak boleh mengejar yang lebih baik. Kejarlah dunia seperti akan hidup 1000 tahun lagi. Tapi dunia itu ibarat bayang2. Makin dikejar makin ia lari. Kejarlah akhirat seperti akan mati esok hari. Kerana akhirat itu umpama matahari. Makin kita kejar akhirat (matahari), dunia (bayang2) akan mengejar kita. Rezeki itu hak Allah maka bermohonlah kepada Yang Memiliki rezeki itu. Kerana tiada rezeki untuk kita tanpa ada izin dariNya.

Terjadi kepada kenalan saya. Dengan gaji RM1000 sebulan, nak bayar ansuran rumah, nak isi minyak motor yang makin naik, duit lampin anak, duit makan, tinggal pula di JB, memang tak cukup. Sering dia mengeluh. Di tempat kerjanya pula dah lama hadkan OT. Kesian dia. Selalu dia cakap dia nak cari kerja lain. Dah banyak dia apply tapi tak dapat2 sebab tiada kelulusan dan umur pun dah makin lanjut.

Atau setidak2nya dapat banyak OT. Saya katakan padanya, besar periuk besarlah kerak. Sekarang dia pakai motor. Kalau gaji besar lagi, mungkin dia pakai kereta. Besar mana pun tetap tak cukup. Tapi... Masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan. Akhirnya Allah tunaikan permintaannya. Tiba2 dia dapat banyak sangat OT. Hari2 balik rumah sampai tengah malam. Langsung tak rehat. Main dengan anak pun 2 -3 minit masa pagi sebelum ke tempat kerja.

Bila jumpa, dia cakap dah penat. Tak larat nak OT. Saya ketawakan dia. Bukankah ini yang dia minta? Ya, katanya. Tapi dia dah tak larat. Hari Ahad je dia dapat rehat. Bila nak main2 dengan anak? Kesian anaknya. Ke masjid pun hari Jumaat saja sekarang ni... Saya katakan padanya, kita tak boleh dapat segala2nya. Dia nak duit, Allah bagi duit. Tapi dia hilang kehidupan dan masa dengan anaknya. Itu adalah permintaannya. Bersyukurlah Allah telah menunaikan..-.

Kalau nak dikongsi, terlalu banyak rasanya apa yang saya lalui. Saya pasti, saudara2 semua juga ada lalui perkara yang sama. Di sini, bukan niat saya nak mengajar. Bukan juga nak menunjuk pandai. Saya hanya mengajak saudara2 sekalian terutamanya diri saya sendiri untuk berfikir. Apa yang kita buru? Apa yang kita cari? Apa yang kita dapat? Berapa kali pernah kita bersyukur dan berapa kali pernah kita katakan cukup?

Cukup atau tidak apa yang kita ada, bergantung kepada cukup atau tidak kita bersyukur ke hadrat Allah. Juga bergantung cukup atau tidak kita tambat nafsu kita. Yang penting tiap kali selepas solat, berdoalah pohonkan Allah berikan yang terbaik buat kita. Nabi saw pernah memberitahu, orang yang tidak berdoa selepas solat adalah orang yang sombong. Dalam hadith yang lain, Baginda saw berkata orang yang sombong adalah syirik kerana hanya Allah yang layak untuk bersifat sombong.
Wallahu'alam.-..

Ya Allah! Ampunkanlah kami ya Allah. Selama ini kami leka. Selama ini kami lalai dalam mengejar nikmat dunia hingga kami lupa janji nikmat syurga Mu. Cukupkanlah kami dengan apa yang Kau beri. Dan jadikanlah kami insan yang tahu bersyukur. Amin... Ya Rabbal 'Alamin...

Akhir kata, berlajarlah untuk berkata CUKUP....ALHAMDULIL-LAH ......"

Some Hilarious Cartoons

Nothin like a nice bike ride

Funny Ads - Laughing is Strictly Prohibited

Oz's Three Kick Rule

This is good story for all to reflect upon when addressing issues with surbordinates and cranky customers.

They ought to be street-smart, and do not always think they know more than others.



A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)


The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.

When you're intelligent, you know which half.

Cheers from Oz

APPLE'S INVENTIONS!

Funny Car Names

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed

BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FORD
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill

GM
General Maintenance

GMC
Garage Man’s Companion

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive?

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular Leftover Equipment

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless

50 Common Interview Questions and Answers

Review these typical interview questions and think about how you would answer them. Read the questions listed; you will also find some strategy suggestions with it.

1. Tell me about yourself:

The most often asked question in interviews. You need to have a short statement prepared in your mind. Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items unless instructed otherwise. Talk about things you have done and jobs you have held that relate to the position you are interviewing for. Start with the item farthest back and work up to the present.

2. Why did you leave your last job?

Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a major problem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co- workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad. Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward- looking reasons.

3. What experience do you have in this field?

Speak about specifics that relate to the position you are applying for. If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can.

4. Do you consider yourself successful?

You should always answer yes and briefly explain why. A good explanation is that you have set goals, and you have met some and are on track to achieve the others.

5. What do co-workers say about you?

Be prepared with a quote or two from co-workers. Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill Clark, a co-worker at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest workers she had ever known. It is as powerful as Jill having said it at the interview herself.

6. What do you know about this organization?

This question is one reason to do some research on the organization before the interview. Find out where they have been and where they are going. What are the current issues and who are the major players?

7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?

Try to include improvement activities that relate to the job. A wide variety of activities can be mentioned as positive self-improvement. Have some good ones handy to mention.

8. Are you applying for other jobs?

Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area. Keep the focus on this job and what you can do for this organization. Anything else is a distraction.

9. Why do you want to work for this organization?

This may take some thought and certainly, should be based on the research you have done on the organization. Sincerity is extremely important here and will easily be sensed. Relate it to your long-term career goals.

10. Do you know anyone who works for us?

Be aware of the policy on relatives working for the organization. This can affect your answer even though they asked about friends not relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if they are well thought of.

11. What kind of salary do you need?
A loaded question. A nasty little game that you will probably lose if you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead, say something like, That's a tough question. Can you tell me the range for this position? In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard, will tell you. If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job. Then give a wide range.

12. Are you a team player?
You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to have examples ready. Specifics that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for yourself are good evidence of your team attitude. Do not brag, just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point.

13. How long would you expect to work for us if hired?

Specifics here are not good. Something like this should work: I'd like it to be a long time. Or As long as we both feel I'm doing a good job.


14. Have you ever had to fire anyone? How did you feel about that?

This is serious. Do not make light of it or in any way seem like you like to fire people. At the same time, you will do it when it is the right thing to do. When it comes to the organization versus the individual who has created a harmful situation, you will protect the organization. Remember firing is not the same as layoff or reduction in force.

15. What is your philosophy towards work?

The interviewer is not looking for a long or flowery dissertation here. Do you have strong feelings that the job gets done? Yes. That's the type of answer that works best here. Short and positive, showing a benefit to the organization.

16. If you had enough money to retire right now, would you?

Answer yes if you would. But since you need to work, this is the type of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do not mean it.

17. Have you ever been asked to leave a position?

If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest, brief and avoid saying negative things about the people or organization involved.

18. Explain how you would be an asset to this organization.

You should be anxious for this question. It gives you a chance to highlight your best points as they relate to the position being discussed. Give a little advance thought to this relationship.

19. Why should we hire you?

Point out how your assets meet what the organization needs. Do not mention any other candidates to make a comparison.

20. Tell me about a suggestion you have made.

Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a suggestion that was accepted and was then considered successful. One related to the type of work applied for is a real plus.

21. What irritates you about co-workers?

This is a trap question. Think real hard but fail to come up with anything that irritates you. A short statement that you seem to get along with folks is great.

22. What is your greatest strength?

Numerous answers are good, just stay positive. A few good examples: Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving skills, Your ability to work under pressure, Your ability to focus on projects, Your professional expertise, Your leadership skills, Your positive attitude

23. Tell me about your dream job.

Stay away from a specific job. You cannot win. If you say the job you are contending for is it, you strain credibility. If you say another job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will be dissatisfied with this position if hired. The best is to stay genetic and say something like: A job where I love the work, like the people, can contribute and can't wait to get to work.

24. Why do you think you would do well at this job?

Give several reasons and include skills, experience and interest.

25. What are you looking for in a job?

See answer # 23

26. What kind of person would you refuse to work with?

Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to the organization, violence or lawbreaking to get you to object. Minor objections will label you as a whiner.

27. What is more important to you: the money or the work?

Money is always important, but the work is the most important. There is no better answer.

28. What would your previous supervisor say your strongest point is?

There are numerous good possibilities:
Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership, Team player, Expertise, Initiative, Patience, Hard work, Creativity, Problem solver

29. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor.

Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you will speak ill of your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a problem with a former boss, you may well below the interview right there. Stay positive and develop a poor memory about any trouble with a supervisor.

30. What has disappointed you about a job?

Don't get trivial or negative. Safe areas are few but can include:
Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off in a reduction Company did not win a contract, which would have given you more responsibility.

31. Tell me about your ability to work under pressure.

You may say that you thrive under certain types of pressure. Give an example that relates to the type of position applied for.

32. Do your skills match this job or another job more closely?

Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the suspicion that you may want another job more than this one.

33. What motivates you to do your best on the job?

This is a personal trait that only you can say, but good examples are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition

34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights? Weekends?

This is up to you. Be totally honest.

35. How would you know you were successful on this job?

Several ways are good measures:
You set high standards for yourself and meet them. Your outcomes are a success.Your boss tell you that you are successful

36. Would you be willing to relocate if required?

You should be clear on this with your family prior to the interview if you think there is a chance it may come up. Do not say yes just to get the job if the real answer is no. This can create a lot of problems later on in your career. Be honest at this point and save yourself uture grief.

37. Are you willing to put the interests of the organization ahead of your own?

This is a straight loyalty and dedication question. Do not worry about the deep ethical and philosophical implications. Just say yes.

38. Describe your management style.

Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common labels, like progressive, salesman or consensus, can have several meanings or descriptions depending on which management expert you listen to. The situational style is safe, because it says you will manage according to the situation, instead of one size fits all.

39. What have you learned from mistakes on the job?

Here you have to come up with something or you strain credibility. Make it small, well intentioned mistake with a positive lesson learned. An example would be working too far ahead of colleagues on a project and thus throwing coordination off.

40. Do you have any blind spots?

Trick question. If you know about blind spots, they are no longer blind spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of concern here. Let them do their own discovery on your bad points. Do not hand it to them.

41. If you were hiring a person for this job, what would you look for?

Be careful to mention traits that are needed and that you have.

42. Do you think you are overqualified for this position?

Regardless of your qualifications, state that you are very well qualified for the position.

43. How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?

First, if you have experience that the interviewer does not know about, bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that you are a hard working quick learner.

44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?

Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are knowledgeable, a sense of humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder of high standards. All bosses think they have these traits.

45. Tell me about a time when you helped resolve a dispute between others.

Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your problem solving technique and not the dispute you settled.

46. What position do you prefer on a team working on a project?

Be honest. If you are comfortable in different roles, point that out.

47. Describe your work ethic.

Emphasize benefits to the organization. Things like, determination to get the job done and work hard but enjoy your work are good.

48. What has been your biggest professional disappointment?

Be sure that you refer to something that was beyond your control. Show acceptance and no negative feelings.

49. Tell me about the most fun you have had on the job.

Talk about having fun by accomplishing something for the organization.

50. Do you have any questions for me?

Always have some questions prepared. Questions prepared where you will be an asset to the organization are good. How soon will I be able to be productive? and What type of projects will I be able to assist on? are examples.

And Finally Good Luck : Shared by Vishnu

Read more: http://articleflix.com/index.php/interview-and-job/50-common-interview-questions-and-answers-11032010.html#ixzz0lF9c6iIq

WTF

OPPOSITE OF LAUGHING

A teacher asks a student:

What is the opposite of laughing?


The student says: sex!


The teacher:

Shame on you! How can you say that?


The student:

Laughing is
Ha ha ha,

Sex is
Ah ah ah

Jawatan Kosong UiTM

>>Jawatan yang ditawarkan<<

1) Syarat Permohonan
Bagi jawatan pentadbiran permohonan adalah dipelawa kepada Warganegara Bumiputera sahaja.

2) Had Umur (Pada tarikh iklan ditutup)
Calon-calon lantikan terus hendaklah berumur tidak kurang dari 18 tahun pada tarikh tutup iklan.
Had umur calon yang sedang berkhidmat dengan Kerajaan, Badan Berkanun dan Pihak Berkuasa Tempatan adalah tidak melebihi 50 tahun. Manakala had umur calon yang memohon bagi kenaikan pangkat secara lantikan (KPSL), adalah tidak melebihi 54 tahun pada tarikh lantikan.

3) Penaklukan di bawah syarat Skim Perkhidmatan :
Mereka yang dilantik adalah tertakluk kepada syarat-syarat skim perkhidmatan berkenaan yang sedang berkuatkuasa serta pindaannya dibuat ke atasnya dari masa ke semasa.

4) Syarat Kelayakan Terperinci dan Proses Permohonan Mengikut Jawatan Adalah seperti Berikut:-
SEMUA permohonan perlu dibuat terus secara ON-LINE . Bagaimanapun permohonan daripada pegawai-pegawai yang sedang berkhidmat dengan Kerajaan, Badan Berkanun dan Pihak Berkuasa Tempatan perlulah mengemukakan maklumat terperinci mengenai perkhidmatan masing-masing yang dibuat melalui Ketua Jabatan secara pos mengikut Perintah Am Bab 'A' 21.

5) Cara Memohon
Untuk Bukan Staf UiTM
Permohonan hendaklah dibuat dengan melayari laman web http://iapps.uitm.edu.my/epengambilanstaf/ (sila guna Internet Explorer) dan membuat permohonan melalui sistem aplikasi atas talian (“ON-LINE”) dengan mengisikan maklumat yang diperlukan.
Untuk Staf UiTM sahaja

Permohonan dari Staf UiTM berstatus tetap/kontrak/sementara di mana perlantikan dibuat melalui Bahagian Pengurusan Perjawatan UiTM, hendaklah dibuat melalui sistem aplikasi atas talian (“ON-LINE”) melalui Portal I-Staf -> eProses & Sistem Sokongan -> ePengambilan Staf

6) Tarikh Tutup Iklan : 26/04/2010

7) Hanya calon yang disenarai pendek akan dipanggil temuduga .
Hanya calon yang layak selepas tapisan dan disenarai pendek sahaja akan dipanggil untuk ditemuduga. Pemohon-pemohon yang tidak menerima sebarang jawapan selepas 6 bulan dari tarikh tutup iklan hendaklah menganggap permohonan mereka tidak berjaya .

8) Pertanyaan
Sebarang pertanyaan dan aduan boleh dikemukakan di sini.

Bahagian Pengurusan Perjawatan
Jabatan Pengurusan Sumber Manusia
Pejabat Pendaftar
Universiti Teknologi MARA
40450 Shah Alam
Selangor Darul Ehsan
NO.TEL: (03) 5544 3089/3090/3092/3093
NO.TEL: (03) 5544 2166/2550/2602/2210- Bantuan Teknikal
Email: perjawatan@salam.uitm.edu.my

The Real Burger King

21-year-old Brad Sciullo of Uniontown is the first person to ever finish eating the monster-burger known as the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser. The burger itself weighed 15 pounds but with all the toppings (lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers, mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish) and the buns, it reached 20,2 pounds. Sure any man could gobble down a delicacy like this but hardly anyone could do it in 5 hours.

Brad Sciullo managed to do it, but it wasn’t easy, as he himself admits: “About three hours into it, things got tough,”and everyone can understand why. But he pushed himself to the edge and manage to finish the whole burger and won a $400 prize, 3 t-shirts, a certificate and “a burger hangover” as the owner od Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, where the event took place.

Asked why on Earth he decided to eat the giant burger, Sciullo said “I wanted to see if you could.”